SeaPearl #278: training a dog
OK - dog training story. Teaching dogman to sit:
method 1

1. Command dogman to sit, push his butt down.
2. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.Repeat. Repeat.Repeat.Repeat.Repeat.Repeat. Repeat.Repeat.Repeat.Repeat. Repeat.Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

method 2 or the "look MA no hands" method

1. you show dogman a goodie
2. hold goodie above dogman's head
3. keep moving it back behind dogman's head and out of his reach
4. sweeetly say "sit", when dogman HAS to sit to see the goodie
5. immediately give dogman the goodie
6. repeat once or twice

This is WHY we do not tell men what to do. We WAIT until they do something we like -- then we praise (goodie) them for it. So that they do more of it. All on their own. Without us pushing their butts.

Q-tee #301
Found and a few more quotes to share:

"Men like to be thanked, admired, and appreciated, not SERVED. The more a woman serves a man, the less he will serve her. The more his mind will wander to other females who don't serve. The more he will think about how he can serve these females, and thereby win them."

"Just survive the moment and then the next moment and the next until enough time has gone by that you can see more clearly.

Sierra #307: On a party
Read this article and here are my notes!

• Walk into a party like you know everyone there. Nothing is more appealing than confidence, positive attitude, a smile. (think how stars at Oscars walking down red carpet)
• Laughing creates an energetic aura that is contagious-people will want to be wherever you are if you are one who can have fun.

1. have third glass of alcohol to relax if you get nervous --may omit this!
2. have a bubble bath beforehand to relax and go over topics u could discuss
3. when you arrive think of something that is perfect: e.g. your dress, the weather, your partner, it will help you relax
4. as you arrive in the party, pause in the doorway, shoulders back, head held high
5. don't instantly rush towards friends if you are alone, you'll seem socially insecure, smile and wave as you pause if you feel intimidated
6. "don't stand by the food" --mingle (basic TR)
7. don't fidget, keep a drink in hand to counteract nervous habits. use theatrical hand movements when speaking to give the impression of a vivacious personality and lively mind ;)
8. create a unique look -- works wonders to be remembered. You'll be noticed if you wear collar

1. don't travel in a pack: it's easier to stand out if you don't look like you're on a girls night out
2. get everybody at work to like you -- listening skills rate highly. Good listeners make others feel important. Make speech concise, direct. Be friendly to all, charismatic people never gossip or hinge or discuss personal details
3. note peoples interests, partners names, a persons charm can be due to their memory!
4. aim to communicate face to face

• plan what you want to say and how you want to express it
• never start off a discussion with "well this may sound really dumb but...". You know you've got a valid point, so be confident
• speak up within first 8 min of any meeting. Leaving it any longer makes it harder to break into the conversation with every minute that passes by
• if you're finding it hard to enter a debate attract attention by using names or praise for the last speaker "Laura, that's an excellent idea, but id like to add another point..." or lay the flat of your palms on the table and wait for a pause -- if all else fails just nod your head from time to time, others will feel you have contributed without even adding a word. ;)
• small talking with confidence things to say: conversations: if cant think of anything discuss public holidays. "What have you got planned for bla di bla?"
• know what's going out and express your opinions with conviction. Read papers/watch TV
• never look over someone's shoulder for anyone else to talk to. Insulting to the listener. Practice active listening nod, maintain eye contact and say "mmm ok, yes" so they know you're still listening (sal had good ones they are on classics) in conversation
• count to four before jumping in at the end of another persons statement
• Keep negative opinions to yourself
• Anger really turns people off. There is less tension in a low voice, nervousness makes your voice higher, maintain good posture and breath deeply for rich, deep, mellow sounds.
• to leave people wanting more leave them with small parts of information. if asked a question don't bore them with your whole history on the topic. short and sweet answers
• let people know of your successes like that party you organized last year. If you are a bank teller say you are in finance-its not lying
• Leave parties without saying goodbye to men you have flirted with. They'll spend the night asking, "have you seen sierra? Where did sierra go?" So sierra becomes the girl of the hour without even being there

why are barmen falling over your friend but not you?

learn the bartenders name and use it: even if you don't plan to come back to the bar.

Shop assistants: say hello, be polite to them, don't treat them as if they are stupid. a bit of courtesy goes a long way to getting good service.

Waiters: be friendly to your waiter on arrival яПН don't ever patronize staff. If you have a big group of people nominate one person to do things like order wine, and pay the bill to save time.

Cab drivers: when you want to hail a taxi smile and wave, make it obvious. They usually don't stop for groups, detach yourself. best not to smoke or drink either, to give the impression you will respect the cabbies car

Bank managers: help them and they will help you. if you are overdrawn and dont communicate you are more likely to get in trouble :)

Francella #311
my rule about men's calls, is if the call isn't about a date and if the message doesn't say, "please call me back", I don't acknowledge it. men like this. they LOVE women who give them space. they love women who's attention they have to work to get. vs. women they have to work to get away from because they are smothering them. to men, "smothering" is any woman who responds to everything they do, equally (he called me, so I'll call him) (he said merry Xmas, so I'll say merry Xmas) (he got me an expensive gift so I'll get him one too).

Fortitude #323
I was at this party last night and I decided that I would act just as open and interested in the goober-ish guys as I did in the cool guys. Although this was excruciatingly hard for me to do (!), the result was so interesting!

I think guys observe how we are with other guys and think, "Hey, if she is talking to/dancing with that goober, she will surely dance with/talk to me." Ok, call me "slow", but I just got this. See, before, if a goober were to act interested in me, I would give him the brush off because I was afraid he would ask me out and then I would have to say "no thanks." Or, if a goober asked me to dance, I would say "no" because I did not want him to think I was "interested."

But, I think the "cool" guys observed this trend about me and would think "Is she going to give me the brush off too or will she say no to me if I ask her to dance?" I was unaware of how important their egos are in this whole thing. So the lesson for me is: Act interested in all guys.
* * *
Say you are at work, you just got off the phone and the guy walks in and says "Who's that?" (in a playful way). I think it ups the "sexual energy" when I respond "Can't tell you that." In other words, we don't always need to be open books. There is a time to be forthright (when he is really trying to connect) and a time to be playful (almost all other times).

MoonPies
Green-nail-polish
The moonpie eye look is the "Gosh, you are such a wonderful and beautiful CUAO, and I would do anything to be with a women like you, but I'm too scared to ask you out because you might reject me and say no, so I'll just gaze at you longingly and hope that you will do my emotional work for me and recognize that I am suffering with infatuation for you, so please, please please, ask ME out so that I won't have to do it. You are such a strong perceptive woman, that I know you will recognize how much I like you so I'll drop a few hints so that you'll ask me out."

katarina
I think moonpies, either consciously or not, give us subtle tests to see if we are the kind to pick up *their* slack (or to pick up slack in general). I think their radar is out for even seemingly small things: Do we ...

• speak precisely and with good diction? (takes more effort)
• notice when there is a lack or a need, and do we help? Or a PSUEDO lack or need? (like your example in the office)
• show our love of excellence by our attention to and acknowledgement of quality or detail? (quality takes more effort)
• move with purpose and confidence? (takes more energy to move that way)
• have a job that requires great skill or a high level of training/education? (all requires effort)
• step in and fill their gaps of social ineptness or laziness or lack of decision or passivity? Now *this* is the heart of the moonpie dynamic, I think. Women can (I think?) be all of the above and NOT get involved with a moonpie IF she refuses to do hi s work, to pick up his slack, to fill in his missing gaps, to "help him out."

These boards have helped me so much in identifying just what a moonpie is and what he does and to see how I've played into their hands. I thought I was being "nice" when I so-called "helped them out". Ugh! I was just helping them to be lazy and use me. I thought it was a good thing to be "nice" and helpful and to make people feel emotionally "comfortable," (yes, even full-grown men!) I'm not doing that anymore. Not anymore.

SeaPearl #327
What are the warning signs and how do men generally end a relationship, so that we can be prepared?
Early warning signs of disrespect

• Not opening your door - car or house.
• Not walking you to your house door.
• Not being attentive to your needs when you are out on a date. (Filling your glass, etc.)
• Talking in an inappropriate manner (cursing) or about inappropriate things (asking what you wear to bed) early on in dating.
• Talking about OTHER people in a disrespectful manner.
• Being aggressive toward you in ANY way. Angry voice, body language, etc.
• Putting you down in ANY way at any time - alone or among friends.
• Not letting you meet his family or his friends (a bit later in the relationship).
• Paying flirty attention to another woman while YOU are with him.
• Putting women down in general.
• He never says Please, Thank-you, or I'm Sorry

How to know a guy is sincere and is crazy for you?

• He calls you often.
• He waits and cries when he tells you he loves you for the first time - yes, even manly-men.
• He asks you out in advance all the time with fun things you'd like to do.
• He sends you flowers with ILY cards in them.
• He buys you cards and silly gifts all the time.
• He knows only his daughter's birthday, his birthday and YOUR birthday. And he already has your birthday gift even though your birthday is ten months away.
• He is jealous of other guys you hang out with. He wants you all to himself.
• He flips out if you do any teeny tiny thing for him - like show him your apartment for the first time or smile at him.
• He loves you even if you are sick and look like Frankenstein's bride. He never sees you as looking awful - you are always cute/beautiful to him.

SeaPearl #339
I can't imagine anybody out there that could love you as much as I do

I think this is the CORE to a rulesy man. He isn't asking what the woman can do for HIM, he's sizing up whether he can make her happy or not and HOW happy as compared to his competition. This guy is class A+ to write that line.

Clingy, needy indicates to a man that you are unhappy especially if you are crying and wailing and nagging. (Just think if a guy did this to you - ick. yetch. Tuckest thy tail and be gone earthdog - whine to another woman.) They see you like this (it's sooo unattractive) and think that maybe someone else better try to make you happy, because obviously he can't do it. And to a rulesy man - that is the goal.

The guy who thinks, that he can make you the happiest, is also the one who believes he loves you the most. I agree that NOTHING and I mean NOTHING will stand in the way of a man who loves you. Not his job situation, not other women, not his past failed marriage(s), not his family, not his children. NOTHING, if he believes that he loves you more than any other man can love you - thus make you happy.
* * *
I do this and it WORKS. "Keaton, you have no idea how happy you make me and how much I appreciate every little thing you do for me. But you probably get tired hearing me say that, but it's true." (Only say this when he's been extra great.) These words to a man are far more powerful to getting him to love you than the words I love you themselves. I think I got this from TTOTLA. His answer: I'll never get tired of hearing you say that to me. (sort of like I'll never tire of ILY.)

singlagen #355
you can meet a decent guy in a bar and have him think decently of you, is to NOT go out to meet a guy in a bar. You can't have an agenda when you're out, other than to drink dance and have fun with your friends. At least you're guaranteed to have that, regardless if every guy in the room is a hideous troll. If a cute guy does come over let him see that your objective is fun, not scanning. In fact you don't even consider meeting anyone normal a serious or likely thing at all. Once they realize they're not going to "get any" they'll also see that almost every other girl in the place IS there hoping to meet someone. (There's no hiding that desperate, searching look). You will stand out as CUAO and be the fun girl, not the needy, pathetic easy girl that he can pick up in two snaps. He will want your number to USE, not their numbers to brag about. Even then, be reluctant to give it out "I don't usually just give my number out to guys I meet in bars. It's cheesy, and most of you guys are just trying to see how many numbers you can get anyway... I alrea dy told you I'm not here for that... OH, ALL RIGHT... Wait - how do I know you're not like the campus stalker or something. You could be some craz ed psycho. Do you really even go to school here? Lemme see some ID first mister...

When he calls (and you're doing the silent scream "Oh my GOD" to your roommate LOL), act like it's no big deal. Be L&B, like his calling you is nothing more than any other everyday occurrence. When YOU end the call first though, tell him it was nice of him to call, but - actually you were JUST on your way out for something. "Oh, just some errands, meeting up with some people, meeting someone from class..." (all good vague busy reasons) And if he asks you out - Yeah, I'd like that. He'll dance around with the maybe we could get lunch sometime... You can go

with the teasing response like "Sometime?" you could even go "Okay, I'll write that down... Date with X, 5:00 sometime I wouldn't want to forget that and sta nd you up or anything..." Or you can simply say you'd enjoy that and ask What do you have in mind? At this point, just be genuinely nice.

Chameleon q #356
At what point would it have been the easiest to say No to the cake?
The answer? When she was clipping coupons.

She only needed one, and the "free" cake did nothing but end up making her sick & disgusted. This is what red flags do for us. By nexting a man for a seemingly insignificant red flag, we are nexting a relationship that would make us sick and disgusted down the road. We've seen so many women who ignore the warnings, who say "what's wrong with a free cake" and get hurt. Because of that, we are able to deconstruct it immediately and say "THIS....THIS is a problem waiting to happen."

CoolJewel #364
if he is annoyed or distancing himself and you are feeling some hostility, and it worries you, you are letting yourself be manipulated and he senses that he can do that to you so he will. Don't let him manipulate you like that. Just act as if you have no idea why he should be annoyed and are barely aware of it if at all. Go ahead with your life and do not waste time thinking about what you should do to appease this man.

You are not in charge of making the relationship work. You are only to receive his adoration, but let him make the effort to keep you happy. If he doesn't want to make the effort, there is nothing you can do anyway and the relationship will not work if it is all you and not him doing the work.

Francella #366
awww its soo depressing at work when I finish all the guys gfs are at the front waiting to pick them up and i never have anyone waiting for me. I have to go and get a two hour public transport trip home all alone in the middle of the night. Then when i hang out with my friends, their gfs are always calling them or being with them. I always feel so left out and lonely cause nobody ever calls me :(

zzzzzzz. I mean, zzzzzzzzzzzzz. if he says this on the phone, say, "just a sec, there's someone at the door!". put the phone on the table and go get a lemonade. put a teeny pink umbrella in it. and some rose shaped ice cubes. sit on the couch. put your feetsies up. after five or ten minutes of this, smooth out your hair and go back and pick up the phone.

say, breathlessly and distractedly and happily, "oh, sweets, I've got to run! can I call ya back?" (then don't).

If he does it on a date, say, "can you excuse me a sec? I have to go to the ladies room, sweets". then stay in a really very long time. then come out and wander around distractedly , looking at the art on the walls, the fountain, the ice swans, the flowers, or go to the bar and buy a fancy drink and wander around. talk to waiters, busboys, chefs, in a flirty way. whatever you do, don't act interested in his whining. go back to the table. but, ideally, he should have come after you by now to fetch you. if he starts up again with the whine, get distracted again. look for something in your purse. get out a coin purse and say you just remembered you have to call your sister/mother/gf/poodle tamer. go make some calls. call anyone. call time. call your voice mail. really, he should always get the message that when he whines, he loses your attention. your mind wanders. your feet wander. you wander. your attention floats away, like a flower petal in a breeze.
* * *
don't pay any attention their reports of their bleak love lives, just arrange flowers, make pink lemonade, busy yourself putting little umbrellas in them, rummage through the cupboard for bon bons, and act like you don't even hear these reports. be always sweet but always get femmily distracted when they complain or whine. offer him a martini, cheerfully. don't answer the sentence. women don't get that they don't have to answer or reply to everything a man says. In fact, men find it refreshing when women don't. It gives them space (their favorite thing!).

Watch people in movies and really pay attention: the cool women in movies, very very often don't answer men's questions. They just smile or smooth their hair or smile and smooth their hair, or put on their lipstick, or leave. Even men in movies and TV do not answer every question people put to them. These are invariably the cool people in flicks (and in life). watch cool people in real life, too. notice they don't rush to reply to everything. it's cool to give people space.

Chameleon q #371
Bad behavior - At dinner, your date makes a rude comment or becomes cold & distant

Non-TR response? Be warm, whiny, placating, bake him cookies, pat his little head, sleep with him....anything to make him warm up to you. You're remembering how he *used* to treat you, and you're trying to get that back. But what you are actually doing is REWARDING him for treating you this way.

TR response is to recognize that this is not acceptable treatment for a CUAO and to punish him with the absence of your good graces. A cold shoulder, silence, boredom, turning away, walking away, not taking his phone calls, being unavailable. Good behavior - it's been two weeks since your last date, and you haven't heard from him until today. Now he's on the phone and you...

Non-TR response is launch into him for not calling, to whine about how much you've missed him, to punish him for taking so long, but that's the past. What you are actually doing is punishing him for calling you and *rewarding* him for being away. He may hate your tone, but now he knows how much he means to you.

The Rulesy response is to be L&B when he calls, without mentioning the interim. By not making a big deal out of how long it's been, he begins to realize that when he is "out of sight", he's also "out of mind". At this point, the Three Day Rule becomes ULTRA important. It's human nature to feel that the more rare something is, the more valuable it is - regardless of any other intrinsic value it may have. So here he is thinking "Gosh it's been ages since I've seen her....she's going to be really* happy to see me. This date will be really special because it's been so long. I can't wait. I've just got to see her tonight!".

And what does his little CUAO do? "Has it been two weeks already, Hunkboy? I didn't realize that....Did you have a good time? Gosh I wish my schedule this week wasn't so full....can I take a raincheck??"

Warm words....cool actions. He's happy because you were warm & fuzzy, and yet there's a sense of unease. She didn't miss me? Does she not think about me when I'm not around? Well, I can fix that. So he starts asking you out way in advance & calling you daily just to make sure that you're thinking of him.

....this is an important premise of TR, I think - that every time you step back and walk away your power increases
-this is a technique often used in negotiating -

Francella #374
K: "I am upset and I am wondering if I should be.
F: you should be. but you had a hand in creating the "blah" way he treats you.
K: "First, let me say that I am in a non-rules relationship from the get-go, even though HE PURSUED ME. "
F: turn it around. now. or you'll only feel worse.
K: "I am sick and tired of hearing him tell me "she's pretty" every time we watch TV together. "
F: he's not that into you. a guy who's into a girl never does this. it's one way he shows you that you don't mean much to him. it's how he tells you his non-excitement about you. you should just not say anything and then after like 15 minutes end the date early, being really nice. shoo him out of your place. go, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to shoo you out- I have a big day, tomorrow...". if he asks you what you have up, tomorrow, say, "oooout with you! you have to go now, I have a big day, tomorrow and I need my beauty sleep". make sure you get him out of there by 15 -20 minutes after he said the "she's pretty" thingy. be nice. not hurt, not angry, not insecure. if you show him you're insecure, he'll think way less of you than he already does. and believe me, he doesn't think much about you. he's very blah on you.

it's also a test. when he goes "she pretty" constantly, while you're watching TV. a test to see what kind of woman you are. never flunk these tests. he wants to know, what level or what quality of woman you are.

top quality: "you have to go now, I have a big day tomorrow" said totally nicely and with calm femininity. then isn't available for dates for two weeks (or is only available for dates one time out of every five times you ask her). doesn't call him. doesn't "do" him.
medium quality: lets him stay over after dissing her. swats him with the TV guide and looks a little hurt. still goes out with him. but doesn't call him.
low quality: makes a big deal out of the comment. says she's hurt, mad, jealous or whatever. cries or wants to have a big talk about the comment. tells him what he should or should not say. is all emotional. still wants to "do" him after he's shown her he feels "blah" about her. is clingy, serious, needy. wants to take the relationship to a more committed level, after he's let her know he's not all that excited about her.

guys prize secure women so, no matter how insecure you feel you have to act like you're secure. secure girls don't start a talk about the comment. they shoo the guy out. with no resentment or madness. these kinds of comments don't bother them, because they just mentally write the guy off, when he acts like this. they immediately start thinking of how to free up their time to meet some other men.

K: Am I being ridiculous????
F: very. you should never have had "a talk" about it and then let him sleep over.
K: Last night, I finally told him that I find many men that I am attracted to, but I don't say it in front of him because
it shows a lack of class and respect, in my opinion.
F: this is ridiculous. we don't scold men for their behavior. we don't pay attention to them when they act cocky. they
just suddenly find it's harder to get a date with you. and they suddenly find the date ending awfully early.
K: I was upset about a few other things as well. He went outside to smoke a cigarette and he tells my daughter. I will always love your mom as a friend. I am probably gonna move to another town, but I will always have her as my friend.
F: he's not excited about you. don't go out with him anymore ( don't have "a big talk" about it, though!).
K: He came back inside and we fell asleep. (He doesn't live with us, however, he does stay the night often. AND NO, we hardly ever make love anymore.) Anyway, we kind of went to bed upset at each other but somehow found ourselves in each other's arms during the night. F: he's not into you.

Aug 11, 2002 9:11 am (#122 of 591) - From PBT board... - Lili* - the fish formerly known as francella

poster,
men won't see it as "standing up for herself". men see it as "whoa! she's really got low self-esteem!" men know that women who have *high self esteem*, don't make these calls. they don't pursue men who reject them, with these calls, and they don't invest time in calling the man (who doesn't value her). they don't *pursue* or *invest* in men who don't value them.

Singlagen #381
I believe there's a way to be Rulsey w/o getting the guy upset.

He: "You don't like the phone?"

She: "oh, it's not that. Sometimes I can gab for hours with my friends. And I really do enjoy talking to you and I'm happy that you called. I'm just really busy lately, and don't have as much time or energy for long phone calls. Besides - When I'm just getting to know someone, I prefer to do it in person..."

You couldn't ask for much better of a segway for him to ask for a date...

Also - If he's asking lots of details, maybe he's just really interested, or maybe he knows that women deal in details and so he's doing that to try and show you he's interested.

Simply tell him something like "Oh, my day was fine - work was busy, grabbed lunch with a friend and that was nice... then I went to the mall and shopped around... Oh, and I saw the craziest thing..." Give him some vague details and then go off on tang ent to distract him from asking questions about who you had lunch with. Basically, give him details if that's how he is, but do it about topics you want to talk about, and just skim over the others. Then it seems like you're not hiding anything, but the w ho/when where wasn't significant enough to mention. You down play the things you don't want to talk about and elaborate elsewhere. And then you say "But enough about me - I'm tired of talking about my day. I want to hear about YOUR day...

Let him do most of the talking, and when you get around to ending the conversation first, be sure to be very sweet and encouraging with your tone. Have to go, nothing to do with you, it simply can't be helped... He may get frustrated but then he'll jus t persist in setting a date where you'll be a captive audience.

If he does set a date, then you say, "I'm sorry I have to get of the phone, but I'm looking forward to our date on X -and I promise you'll have my undivided attention then. I'll be a captive audience...but unfortunately I really do have t o go, okay? See you then - bye..."

Guys will get angry if they feel like you're arbitrarily doing things to get rid of them. But if you do it in a way that makes them think - gosh, she's so sweet, and she certainly sounds like she's receptive to me - then how can he be MAD? (Emphasis mine)

poster was seeking advice:
Heaven knows why I have so much trouble...I JUST got off the phone with a guy and I didn't obtain my objective. :) We have a second date scheduled for tonight. We were supposed to go to a movie, but he called me at work just now to suggest dinner instead.

good. it's an upgrade. ;)

I said sure, and he suggested a particular restaurant.

mmm...hmmm...

I said that sounded fine, and he said, "What time do you want to meet there?" Now, this restaurant happens to be convenient for him (near where he lives, I think) but a cab ride away from my office for me. I said, "Er, um [I didn't mean to say that part, but I was trying to figure out what to say], could you pick me up at my office?" He said, after a pause "Well, if I did that, I'd have to come all the way over to the x side and then go back to the y side of town." I was silent.
here, go, sweetly , "mmmmm...I think i'll pass. mmm...I think i'll go to a dance class tonite!".

be so sweet. innocent like. like marilyn monroe. happy & sweet. you just lost interest for *no reason*. you don't even *know* why. you are just happy. your mind has just wandered naturally. you are a really nice girl, and you are now thinking of something else. a dance class. ooh-la-lah. (or a climbing wall- or whatever is your thing) you aren't mad or anything. you aren't personally insulted. you are too happy & secure for that.

he is lucky to have your attention, because it's so fun to have your attention, but your mind wanders a lot, when men don't treat you super cool. your mind wanders- but not angrily- just naturally- in a secure, happy, light, feminine way.

Long pause. He said, "Well, okay, I guess I can -- but why?"

just go, sweetly, "oh, on second thought, i'll pass on tonite -- but it was SO nice to hear from you! good luck on your car race/ med school exam/ presentation at work! babhye!".

Another pause. (I get tongue-tied on the phone with the cute ones even when we're not wrestling over him picking me up.) I said, "Oh, well, I don't know exactly what time I'll be finished here; I wouldn't want you sitting in the restaurant waiting for me..."

nooooooo!
So then he suggested calling me back later in the evening when I would know better what time I would be done (i.e., he still wants to meet at the restaurant!). you are training him to do it.

learn to say cool things guys LIKE to hear (that make you a challenge!), like..
"mmmmm...thanks for the invitation! wow. that is really nice! but...mmm...I think I'll pass! anyway, I have to go to dance (climbing wall/music practice)".

learn to say, "mmm...on second thought, I think I'll pass..." "mmmm...wow. that sounds fun, but I think i'll pass" make it a reflex , when a convo starts to not go right. the minute after you get that first "uh-oh", sinking feeling, from what he's saying.

I couldn't think of a thing to say, so I said, "OK, call me later" and got off the phone thinking, gosh, that didn't go so well. :-)

noo, it did not. lol.

What should I have said? Just, "I'd prefer not to go that far?"

noo! a dreamgirl would nevah. a dreamgirl would just lose interest. becaause she isn't interested in guys who don't go all out for her. why? because she knows she is The Bomb. she would lose interest, naturally, with no angry, insulted feelings. she wouldn't pay any attention.

This guy is cute, smart, well educated, great job; but I remember he was a little reluctant to come to my 'hood for our Date Zero too. He did in the end, though.
Just Ignore Mr. Wonderful. ;) he will see you as a challenge, if you do, and get more interested, and go all out for you.
guys are totally not like us.

When I say they like the HAppy & SHiny girl it is true. The Happy & Shiny girl is not *resentful* about x,y,z. she has no time for this. she has a happy life, a shiny life, and when men say wierd things to her (or do wierd things) she goes, "What!?". Then she is gone.
To have a Happy life. Ciao! To fill up her datebook with *other* men, to go to the gym, to paint her bedroom lilac and get a new kitten. To go to study astronomy or Portuguese. She is gone to have a rich life.
She is not interested in guys who do weird, hurtful things. She just is not.
That is how she is. And she is the one who gets the guy who treats her great all of the time and doesn't hurt her.

The Happy Shiny girl. They all want her. they want her bad. ;)