Here is my attitude for dealing with anything like this and jealousy in general. You can borrow it if it suits you. ;)

Any man I am dating who feels he would be happier with another, wants another, is more attracted to another, whatevah...go to her. Leave me. Gone. Goodbye. I close the door and do not look back. Some men enjoy making women jealous. It makes them feel wanted and allows them to step back, and not commit to either by letting the women fight it out. There is an old saying ANY man with 2 women chasing/fighting for him is NOT WORTH either ONE.

I handle it simply. I get busy with my own life. I go away. I am unavailable to him. If he chooses her fine. Then I am already out of the picture and he can do the same crap to her with another woman down the road. I also would not stay friends with such a creep.

But that is not how it goes. Here is what happens. And it happens because men test you to see how much they can get away with. Do nothing and if he leaves you for her or cheats on you, you lose. Get jealous and show him this and you lose. Pursue him and you lose. Say lets date others and make any kind of consolidation or comfort for him and you lose.

I dont take the test. I disappear. Believe me he never saw THAT coming! He then chases me after about a week of trying to get a hold of me I let him and magically SHE is gone. I do not answer questions about her or my feelings. I do not ask either. If he says anything to put any type of pressure on me I again withdraw and only will say, "I did not like how things felt with us and I needed some space and time to think about how I felt about you." He will be reeling at that point. He will ask and how do you feel?

Do not reassure him. Do not do anything but smile and say "I feel fine. Oh. About you? Well we'll see.... I AM here now, am not I?"

He is doing this because you are not being rulesy enough. You are in a rut because you are spending too much of your life with him and not allowing him to miss you. Spend more of your life with you. If he wants more time he will have to marry you.

DaTe OtHeRs.

Make yourself happy and strong and powerful. Do not keep giving to him or you will find him needing space. Stop being so accomodating. He is not appreciating you and your time.

Show him that YOU are the ultimate CUAO. You dont need him. FOR ANYTHING! Be the woman you were before him. Hell, you are not even sure if you can fit any time in with him this week. You are busy busy busy. He comes last in your life, YOU come first. Good luck.

Look your best.

Don't tell him what to do. Whatever you do, don't act like his mother!

Let him take the lead.

Don't expect him to change or try to change him. Accept him just as he is. If you can't accept your boyfriend or fiance just as he is, do not marry him!

Don't call him at work a lot. I have no idea of my husband's work or cell phone number. On the rare occasions when I need to call him, I have to look up the number.

Cultivate your own interests.

Be easy to live with.

Know when to hush. If his eyes glaze over, he's not listening anymore and you sound to him like one of the adults on a Charlie Brown cartoon. [wink]

Don't nag. Again, you are not his mama.

Compromise. I'd rather be happy than "right" about everything.

Don't complain to him about his relatives and friends. How would you feel if he did this to you? Complaining is never attractive.

Apologize. Don't go to bed angry. Life is too short!

Okay, this is just me, but personally I believe in being neat, clean, and organized. More than one friend of mine has teased me by calling me June Cleaver. Really! I like being domestic. I would abhor the corporate world. That is just me, though. But my husband, who is a very high level executive helps me around the house. I've never had to ask him to, he just does it because he likes to do things for me.

Be sweet. Honey instead of vinegar is my motto. Like my mama always said, "If you can't say something nice..."
What I disagree with about The Rules or what I would add to The Rules:

Find something you enjoy doing together. This past Saturday my husband and I went antiquing, stopped for lunch, shopped for lovely fresh vegetables, came home and he chopped up all those vegetables and made a delicious soup, enough for several days. He does all of the cooking on weekends when we aren't dining out.

Don't take the "independent act" to extremes. My husband is gone from home for eleven hours a day on weekdays, and he misses me because I don't call him during the day. There is no way in the world that I am gonna be absent when he gets home. We haven't seen each other all day as it is!

I do make a big deal when he brings me flowers and does special things for me. He loves to see me happy and I am not about to play some Ice Princess game with him.-- He surprised me with the sweetest little Easter basket filled with Victoria's Secret bath bubbles (Champagne & Strawberries and Love Spell scents), Bath & Body Works Purely Silk body lotion, candy, an adorable little bunny rabbit, and a card in which he called me his Snuggle Bunny. He loves my response to his presents and I'm not about to change that. : )

I believe in being warm, appreciative, and sincerely admiring with our husbands!

How 'bout this? Next time he pulls this same day notice thing (and for LUNCH, no less. Not even a Sat. dinner!!), sigh sweetly and tell him you're booked, but you wish you weren't. WHY does this keep happening, you wonder. :)

Then, when he asks, "When will I ever see you?" Respond with these magical words (and a sweet Dream Girl sigh) "I guess we'll just have to leave it to Fate."

For some reason, these words light a huge fire under men's butts. It's like they want to prove that they can determine Fate, and MAKE things happen. Your man needs to try to MAKE things happen

You know how Val would've handled Satchel?(creole I hope you don't mind me calling him Satchel, I'm really into the negro league and I think that Satchel Paige was a true hottie, look him up, if you don't know). I would've said. "Well, that's fine, Satch, but I'm a tad famished. You can just drop me home. I'll fix myself something and we can hang some other time."

If he asked if I was upset, I'd say no, just "ravenous" and that I had plans later and really needed to "fortify myself." I would let him drop me of, say "thanks anyway, cutie", kiss him on the cheek and saunter off into my apartment. I would not let him know what was up or anything. I would not invite him in to eat. Just poof.

Don't b--ch, don't whine. Just sweetly show him that if he can't worship and your temple, there are others. Creole, you sound like a temptress, just refine your moves a little and it will work.

And no, never never never tell a man you don't want to talk to him anymore-unless he's stalking you. TR is not defensive, it's offensive. Just don't call him, don't return calls, bootcamp until he straightens up and flies right. Reward a man for treating you right by allowing him to take you to dinner.

It sounds like Satch thinks his pee is champaign, but those guys do fall in love and do get married. But, he's obviously used to getting away with murder. School him. Be light and breezy and hard to catch. And I repeat, halt the fooling around. And he will think that you are seeing someone else. Do not explain anything. When you do deign to see him, be light, breezy and busy. Don't hang with him all day or night. Short and scarce dates 3-5 hours. No deep, meaningful conversations. Be easy to be with and your sweet self. No lectures, no wistfulness, nothing. Sweet and scarce. Once a week dates if that.

I've seen men like this fall in love hard and get married when they are worked like this...sometimes to very plain women who just have sense.

How do I handle it if he does ask her out?

Smile, and say, "o.k., great, have fun! look, I have to run- I have a tennis class/salsa class/party/shoes are on sale at MACY'S, I'm going with Darci, to go see! mmwah! got to run!"

Never have a relationship talk or talk about your feelings of how hurt or humiliated you are, or he will think, "She's a drag. Got to get away from her. What a loserchick, I wonder what Cheri (your girlfreind) is doing right now? I wonder if she is sunbathing on her balcony...what is she wearing? I wonder if she has that cute little pink bikini on...I wonder if she has a date this Saturday night...I wonder if I could get her to go out with me (on and on and on)".

If you act happy & carefree, like it didn't phase you at all , he will LIKE you more and think you are more attractive, suddenly. Because this is how a Dreamgirl would act upon hearing the news. She could care less. She has other and better prospects than him, so many that it doesn't phase her, and she hardly even notices his dopey decisions. A minute after he's announced to her he wants to date her girlfreind, she's thinking, "mmm...I'd sure like to go to the spa in Cancun...I wonder if Bambi would like to go...Oh! I know! Maybe Bambi and I and Lola can all go in Bambi's new Miada! What would I like to wear there? mmmm...Oh! I know! I'll wear my little lime green dress!...I wonder if Paulo will be there...or Enrico...what CDs would I like to listen to in the car, on the way down...I'll go pick out my CDs for the ride down...this is going to be so fun! I'm going to have a great time. mmmm.".

This is what she is thinking. She is not thinking, "I am so hurt. How could he? What is wrong with me? Am I fat? Was it something I said/did/wore? What does she have that I don't? How am I going to cope with seeing them in my building? Should I write him a long, angry letter? I'm going to go home and cry all day and write him ten, angry letters. How can I get him back? Should I confront him? Maybe I should call him and ask him to meet me at Starbucks and confront him with my feelings (on and on, one stupid thought after the next, in endless succesion)".

I think I blew it from the start with him - how did I let it get like that? After he asked The Question, did you ever go on a date with him again? If you did, you have done the dumbest thing in the universe. You have sent him the world's biggest signal that you are a dormat type girl and not a dreamgirl type girl.

After he asked The Question, you should have so sweetly turned him down for dates *every* time he called and you should have screened your calls and never picked up his calls, and act happy and light & breezy if he ever accidently got you on the phone.

Men Want The Dreamgirl Type. This type *knows* She Is All That. All of her actions and reactions show it. ;)

Contenda,

If I make myself busy so it is easier to not accept his last minute dates (as I have non-rulesily trained him to do) won't he interperate this as me losing interest (which I am not). How can I retrain without explaining it to him? Will the man still "know" that I like him? Thanks... LLL! (it means laffing laffing laffing) you have it all backwards. LLL. the whole point is that he's not supposed to know how much you like him. when they know (especially early on), it makes them lose interest. it also makes them treat you badly. guys aren't into girls who keep showing how much they like them and how interested they are.

the whole point of being really busy iz for YOU, not him. but, the second reason is for him.

not to manipulate him , but to give him what he most needs to be fullfilled as a man. to meet his masculine needs. we do this because we love men. we understand that when we meet thier true needs, then they are happy with being with us. as opposoded to us meeting the needs we used to think they had, such as ...
1) The Masculine Need To Receive Feminine Fluffy Cards
2) The Masculine Need to Receive Long, Boring Letters About Convoluted Feelings of Angst & Attraction
3) The Masculine Need to Have a Woman With No Life Who's Avaialble To Go Out Anytime (a woman who's not sought after)
4) The Masculine Need to Have a Woman Who Is a Total Slam Dunk (noo challenge whatsoever)
5) The Masculine Need to Have a Woman Who is a Dumb Unpaid Maid
6) The Masculine Need to Have a Woman Who Lectures Him, Cries, Screams
7) The Masculine Need to Have a Woman Who Has No Mystery

Note that these are *not* men's needs and never will be. if the seas run out of water, if the stars fall out of the sky, and the fishes fly, till the end of all time, these will never be men's needs.

Men Like Women Who Are a Challenge. They Like Women Who are Cool. And who have lots of Cool things going on in thier life, women who dress Cool, and have lots of other Cool men chasing them.

They like women who are so Cool, you never know what they're thinking or where they are. Watch more movies to learn how to be cool. ...because that's what men want. they want it as bad as we want cute clothes and enagement rings. If you want to succeed with men you have to start being really cool. Have you ever noticed how many men cool girls have chasing after them? They get more proposals than non-cool girls too.

Some more from Lili*

"Rulesy behavior" is to walk out when men say these things to us. That (and only that) is rulesy behavior. "Break up with him swiftly and femmily (this is called having dignity) (or acting like you are ALL THAT ) (if you are scared to be a challenge, you won't succeed with men)."

Break up with him (unless you want to keep hearing this kind of thing every few months) (off and on) (nothing cures this faster than you leaving him ). ;-)
- Do I return his calls?
- ABSOLUTELY NOT! Don't be such a polite, nice girl, returning the calls of a man who hurts her.
That is why you walk out so he doesn't see you or hear you fall apart. (walk out=break up) (you don't want him to be "killing you softly") (lahlalah...). You may be thinking, "I am afraid if I do the totally unexpected he will think I am playing a game and not miss me more but know I may be fu**ing with him."

Making sure you don't get hurt is not a game. It is very serious. You are not playing that you don't want to be hurt. You really don't want to be hurt. Do not go towards the hot fire, sticking your hand in it. Go away from the hot fire.

Do not focus on being light & breezy. You have to focus on being a challenge. This you can only be to him if you walk out the door and break up (with very few words!) (no more then 1-2 short sentences) (no convos)

Fake confidence, and disinterest in the topic. Follow it with NTBFOTP (Nowhere To Be Found On The Planet], and being light & breezy and confident, if he reaches you somehow. Be light, breezy, and confident, and not very interested in him if he calls. Turn him down for dates and for invitations to get together to *talk* ("no thanks, I'm not interested in that. Look, it's nice to hear from you but IтАЩve got to run...").

You are too chicken to do what you need to do, but you have to practice to stop being a chicken now that it's 2003.
Doing the rules isn't about being light & breezy and tolerating being toyed with in a light & breezy way. That is not it. It is about acting fast & swift like a cheetah when things go wrong. sending the silent message (that men hear so well) (beecawz they are dogs) (so can hear these frequencies) that you are ALL THAT and it doesn't get any better than this. That is what it looks like, when you really GET the Rules.

When you put yourself first, you don't consider whether someone will be hurt by not getting a phone call that you shouldn't have to make. You just automatically know that your NOT making the call is more important than having this guy's feelings reassured! Men do not NEED a lot of reassurance. They don't like it, they don't need it and they don't want it. It would never help a situation like this to give him reassurance. The word reassurance means something different to men and to women. Reassurance, to a man, is a warm smile. An expression of confidence in his abilities. It isn't an unexpected phone call, or wanting to talk about the relationship. When I get the urge to talk about the relationship, or to tell him advice, I squash the urge.

The reason this is the best thing (of any thing in the world that you can do) is beecawz there is no risk to you, if you do it. (I told you it was going to sound insane to you). You feel that there is intense, undescribable risk, and excruciating danger if you do this, but there is, in fact, none.

Why?? Beecawz, if you walk (drop him like a hot potatoe), if he loves you, being without you will be unbearable for him, and he will come to you and plead to get back together and be your man and take care of you and ask to marry you. That's why there is no risk to you at all if you drop him right now like a hot potatoe. You want to drop him like a hot potatoe because you want to seperate the wheat from the chaff. You can only do this by dropping men like hot potatoes. (Picture a cheetah picking up a hot potatoe in it's mouth).

If you do what I'm telling you, there is no way anything can go wrong for you. Real men (who really love you), will die once you are out of the picture, and will run back to you like a gazelle. They will grab you and squeeze you like a boa constrictor, and beg like a dog to be your man.

So never be afraid to act with dignity, and walk. Walking sends the message, Game over. There is never any risk to you if you do this idea. Men who can't live without you come and hunt you down, and lasso you with a gold ring.

So there is no risk to you, at all. You will be completely safe from harm if you do this idea. You will be out of the cold, choppy ocean, safe on the shore, away from the sharks (who want to bite you). The worst thing that can happen is not that he won't come back and want me (that you will get over), the worst thing that can happen is that you don't walk, and he continues to jerk your chain, and kills you softly... (lahlalalala) (with his too confusing song) (the good men don't come with confusing songs).

You want to mate with men who come with unconfusing songs, songs that go, "I love you, I definitely want to be with you. I don't want you to be with any other man. I love you. I want to marry you soon. This is my plan") - notice how unconfusing this song is.

The Rules are not about being a sweet butterfly, or a super soft bunny (with a butterfly on it's nose), they are more like being a fast and swift cheetah in a butterfly suit.;-)

I think you have to train yourself not to be turned on by confusing men. If you are strict about not playing the games of confusing men, and not entertaining the confusing, ambiguous signals of frustrating men, you will be open and receptive to a safe and non-confusing type of love that does not cause PBT. At least, this has been my experience. Let your heart grow cold toward a man who isn't around enough to warm it up."

My problem is that I don't want him to know how hurt/angry I am. How can I cover up my feelings?

The cure lies this way:
try not to make yourself cover-up your feelings of hurt and anger (it will make you miserable). instead, look at these things he does and decide. You can only pick from:
1) decide that this kind of thing that he does (and will keep doing if you marry him) (men are *as is*) personally bothers you sooo much that you don't want to be with him and (nicely) break up with him and set him loose, back into the wild.
2) decide that you can accept that he does this kind of thing, and you aren't going to take it personally (because it was not intended to be mean or offensive)

If you can accept this about him, um, true acceptancce feels just very relaxing. (you will know that you haven't accepted this about him if you still feel hurt and angry and are struggling with how to fake that you don't feel this way).

As I get to know RomeGuy, I keep having to go through the same process: can I accept this annoying part of his personality (he smokes cigars, oogles women, doesn't call when he knows he is going to be late), or does it bother me enough that I want to reject him (break up nicely). I'm very keen on this method now: accept or reject. Don't stay and complain, or stay and try to change him, or stay and try hard to be a fake person (in order to stay together).

Jul 18, 2002 11:59 am

STOP saying "thank-you" to compliments. I've just stopped, and it's done wonders for my love life (not joking!!) STOP it because this is what overly nice girls do.

Men Don't Want Logical, Polite Conversations. They WANT to be turned on. ... and what turns them on has never been (and never will be) polite, logical, conversations. They WANT (and are turned on) by your BODY language. the language of your non-talking language. they *hear* with their eyes - not their ears.

for the next 30 days (and I mean it!) (i'm serious!) do not say "thank-you". do not be an overly nice, overly polite girl.
for the next 30 days, whenever an attractive man compliments you at work, pick up your hair (like you do when it's so hot outside), pick up your hair all the way off your neck.
and smile serenely (this is not like a jack-o-lantern smile or a BIG toothpaste commercial smile) (it's subtler)
just *glow* at them, when they pay you a compliment and do not say anything. just glow (then, sometime in the conversation or while showing them their seat, pick up your hair off your neck and hold it ther a couple of minutes, and then let it fall ).

men are visual, not logical. they look for these kind of stimuli .

Another thing you could've done (lots of months ago) is put your hand on your hip, in a cute & sassy way and say to your boyfriend, "How come you've never taken me to shabbos with everybody?".
Then listen to what he says. Then don't talk about your feelings (it's almost impossible for women to do this). Then you could've eliminated many months of angst over the topic.

Direct communication is not something to be phobic about. It will not destroy any relationship worth having. It's *how* you are direct.

Ask a question in a concise way. Then shut up. Then listen with both ears open to the reply.
Then, don't talk about your feelings or ask a barrage of insecure questions. Heehee.

Do this:

• Listen
• then get a life (go to the gym, go study, go rollerbade) (go to a movie if you're super unhappy with his answer, to get some space and to give your mind a break from thinking about it).

Foxxy,

I think he wants to come to some sort of resolution.
Say, "noh". There. That's resolution. He asked you to split the check, you said, "no". The end.
That is resolution.

I am not a spinster. I am a fabulous bachelorette though!

A spinster has given up all hope. All she wanted to do was get married. She thought only that would make her happy. She never understood that marriage is an everyday reality. That there is little time for romance when the kids start coming. She has given up on men because it is easier to blame them than herself. She has given up on herself because it is easier than trying to work on herself. She is going to let things from her whole life to her "tits" fall where they lay including herself.

She is a failure because she quit. She is a failure because she never did the work to make herself happy. She expected a man to come in and save her. She never learned that first, you have to save yourself.

Now a bachlorette is a strong, fun woman who doesnt need a man to make her happy. She works on herself inside and out. She works hard and plays hard. She has fun. She has a life. She is generally not burdened by children and certainly never has the dead weight of a husband to cart around or report to. She has seen her many of her exes get married--AND DIVORCED! She has been to her friends weddings and in them and seen many of them break up or her friends expand into middle age always feeling like something is missing. Her married friends all envy her--though they would rarely admit it. While she is missing nothing, she looks fit, happy, healthy, has first dates in wonderful restaurants, and a grand time. When she is feeling lonely she knows she has some work on herself or in general to do. When she is tired she sleeps. Without worrying about which side of the bed, who is snoring, and what she HAS to do for anyone else but herself the next day.

This is the only life you have. Live it. Make the most of it. You become what you feel. You attract what you are and how you are feeling. Misery loves company. The choice is yours

A woman admitted on another board that she had recieved many proposals from men that she was not sleeping with.

Yes, of course, when surveyed, many men will say that casual sex is a great thing, and everyone who doesn't do it is weird. Ask them again if they feel that their sisters or daugters should be doing this. Or if their wife did/does this.

I am not a pair of shoes, that needs to be 'tried on.' Neither is my future husband. Now, I'm not going to start preaching about my religion here, but there is an element of faith in this decision. I believe that when we make the decisions that are right for us, we can choose to have faith that things will work out the way they should.

My personal belief, based on my own observation only, is that no woman has ever permanently lost a good man because she wouldn't sleep with him. But I have seen terrible emotional wreckage happen to both men and women as a result of uncommitted sex. So, I'm going to go with what seems to work out best for the highest good of everyone, by not having casual, uncommitted sex.

When people try to make you feel like you are wrong to wait, that it is a mistake to wait until marriage, that you will lose out on something good by not giving, that guys will think you are a weirdo or damaged goods, and that is just their own baggage. Those reasons are all fear-based. People who feel secure about their own choices in life don't try to make you feel weird or bad for doing what you feel is right.

buff buff,

He's saying he isn't feeling the infatuation anymore. That's probably because he was starting to take you for granted. If you've read "Mars and Venus On a Date" by John Gray, then you will understand about men needing to put the effort into a relationship and do things for you in order to feel attraction. The less they put into it, and still are able to have you available, the less attraction they feel. Deep down, they want to EARN your availability.

He's telling you he wants a break, because as someone so aptly put it on another board, he wants to separate, but he doesn't want you to cry all over his new shirt. This is not to say that he wants to separate permanently. That's the tricky part. When a man says this, he means it at that moment, BUT if you go your separate ways, and you give him lots of time to miss you, without short-circuiting that process by calling or contacting him, he most likely will then conclude he really does love you and wants to be with you.

So it's of paramount importance not to call him or give him any information on what's happening in your life. The best thing would be to disappear on your holiday, and not say a word. If he seeks you out during that time, well, he will become even more determined to track you down wherever you are. He'll camp out on your doorstep if necessary. But only if he has no idea where you've disappeared to.

If you do not give in and contact him, even if he's heard you talk about this to other girlfriends, he'll still take you seriously. It's your ACTIONS that men understand. He'll understand from your inaction that you are serious. It will eat at him more surely than anything else you could possibly do.

And lastly, you stop feeling like you are in limbo by moving on just as if you really HAD done the breaking up. You put an online ad up, you go out with friends, you do social things just the way you did before he ever came along. You decide for yourself, in your head, that you are done and it's over. When YOU'VE come to that conclusion, then it will become HIS problem from then on to get you back again, if he chooses to. But he will have to work at it, because you ARE no longer in limbo. He will have to regain all the ground he lost when he walked away.

Don't worry about what HE thinks. NOT worrying is the quickest way to send out vibes that you are moving on and he'll lose you if he waits too long. HE's the one who has to worry. HE's losing YOU, not the other way around.

No one can abandon you without YOU participating as the abandonee. If you refuse to take that passive role, and insist on being the abandonor, then you are in the power position. You will feel better instantly.

You can do this. You aren't a weak and helpless victim. You are strong, you are your SELF, you already have all those qualities you believe the other person supplies for you within your SELF. Everything your Mum was to you, you now have inside of you because you've internalized it, you haven't lost any of that. Everything he has been to you, you have inside of you too, because you've internalized it all. He can't take that away from you, because it is part of you. All he is taking away is his physical shell, not the qualities that you looked for in him. You don't have to have HIM, to have the essence of those qualities. We are all very much like eros who fell in love with his own image in the well. What we fall in love with are the very things we already are.

while some others have difficulties opening up enough to express their feelings yet they do have feelings for you. I have said this before, and I'll say it again.

Women should stay away from this kind of thinking. Women wait around forever for men to "open up and express their feelings."

If they don't express them, the smart thing to do is to assume they don't have them. Don't hang onto some hope that he's some sort of deep well of emotion that just hasn't emerged.

It's generally a waste of time

LFG said...

This, to me, is the perfect RG attitude:

This makes sense to me in that I am not trying to get married to get married. I'm not doing it to have kids. I'm not doing it to fit in. I'm not doing it to become more financially stable. I'm not doing it to get someone to work outside the home so I can work inside the home, etc. and so forth. We don't use husbands and wives and people to fill roles in our life so we don't have to do those things anymore. I'm looking for someone to commit to for life, and someone to commit to me, so that within this commitment, I can grow to be more of the person I was meant to be.

Wednesday - Sep 21, 2002 10:11 pm (#425 of 427)

He also likes to talk about what he was thinking when he drove to my city for our date. He was thinking that he would either think I was great or he would really dislike me - no in-between. I didn't think we would hit it off, based on the e-mails. He asked me to pick a place to go, and I pretended that I didn't hear him say that. He said later that's when he *knew* I was cool, or whatever.

In my ad, there was a line that the site puts in there that says "you should meet me because" and you have to fill in the rest. I just put "I am the total package." There is space there for a whole paragraph, and that is where you are supposed to describe yourself. I just put that one sentence.

In his e-mails, he asked why do I think I'm the total package. I ignored the question. He told me (much later) that that PROVED I really was the total package, because the total package would definitely ignore that question. Someone who was not really the total package would try to justify why they claimed to be the total package.

Diamond - Oct 2, 2005

Consequently, I have noticed, as trite as it sounds, there is a way you can usually identify these guys. Time and time again, these guys have the attitude and say: "All guys do ....." or "All guys think ....." or "All guys look ...." etc. This belief system makes them not feel inferior to other guys. Plus, they aren't in the victim seat; so, they aren't spending time analyzing it but assume others are like themself. Unfortunately, some women buy into it...

I am dating a great guy now, and seem to overall have extremely good luck in the dating department, but have had some bad experiences. It troubles me that a certain guy is out there even just thinking like he does, let alone probably spreading his poison.

It could be abused, that site, but I don't think so. No one would put a guy on there because he was a great guy. The guys anger would be the main fear, as his whole lifestyle rides on his false self beliefs and deceptive rituals, and not viewing his actions as anything wrong.

I was the same Jule when I was younger and found out the hard way that any fantasy about being the "different" or "he just hasn't met me yet" woman was just a fantasy the "he" in question didn't necessarily share.

Have noticed this mentality ... goes along with the idea that what the guy wants is what matters, and the fault lies with the woman. People want to find a way to explain something that will keep the probability of it happening to them out of the picture.

this is great advice from BLISS from the WUMTHS
bliss1322* - Jun 17, 2005 8:05 am (#699 of 702)
Love, Hi there, please don't give up by lowering your standard. I know it can be lonely at the top! But you just let the good-for-nows take you out on dates .... not to bed.

If you had a jewelery store, we'll call it *Love's Jewels* ;) (in honor of you) and you had a beautiful sparkling diamond ring in the window with a price tag marked $5,000 you would see a lot people come in and look at it, then turn around and walk right out (poof) because they simply could not afford it.... your reaction wouldn't be to lower the value of that diamond by throwing it at their feet.... right? Of course not. Then you would have some come in and try to negotiate a lower price (standard) maybe they would offer you half of what you want for it. You would laugh at yourself and think silly people don't they know the value of a diamond! But you would by no means be tempted to hand over your jewels for a price that was beneath their worth. In fact, you might even be insulted!

That's how you have to see yourself. The price to be intimate with you is a lifelong commitment. Marriage. If some guy can't afford that, then he needs to come back when he can. Sure some shops might offer their goods at a lower price, maybe even half price, *but* maybe they don't know the value of their diamonds.

Look at you Love4Me, you are a diamond and you are your jewelery store owner. You have so much value and worth. You are priceless and being intimate with you is too. That privilege goes to your husband; otherwise, they can spend time with you by taking you out to dinner, movies and other dates. If they want more they need to step up to the plate and marry you. They can look at the diamond all they want even try on it on their hand for size but until they agree to your value that is all they are welcomed to. ...