The three biggest mistakes women make are (1) they sleep with the guy too soon (although they never defined "too soon", they did imply that less than a month was soon) (2) seeing him too often (more than twice a week or always being available is bad) and (3) telling him what to do (how to run his business, relating with family, etc).
If the guy wants to leave, let him. If he says he's confused or needs space, say "I was thinking the same thing." Then give him all the space from here to China.
If you've been dating 18 months and no ring (only excuses), give him a deadline and stick to it. Yes, they said to come right out and tell him you expect a ring AND a set wedding date within X weeks.
If you're not sure if he sees you as gf material or just a good friend, and you've been dating about 6 months, come right out and ask him.
If you've been dating 6-12 months, you can ask him if his intentions are honorable.
BUT when you do these things, keep it l&b and bring them up when you're laughing together.
Look the best you can.
Stay busy. Especially as the relationship gets comfortable. Get focussed on career, date others, do a new hobby - whatever it takes so you're not always accessible.
Give very little encouragement; just be nice.
If he poofs (like what G's doing to me right now), he doesn't need an excuse to get you back. He just needs to ask you out again. However, while he's poofing, bootcamp him.
Their definition of bootcamp:
* nice but distant
* don't talk about yourself
* don't talk about relationships in any context (ie: what's in the news or friends dating)
* never return his calls
* keep the phone call super short
When ending a date or phone call, interrupt him if you need to. "I don't care if he hasn't finished eating yet, just say 'look at the time!' and leave."
If you want to see more of him, do the opposite. Get busy so that you have less time to see him. Don't always be available when he wants to see you.
If he's snobby and used to gals chasing him, get bitchy. Don't give him the time of day.
When things don't work out, look to the beginning. Did he chase you? How hard?
If he breaks plans, don't see him for a month.
We can be as cruel as they can. And guys are cruel. "I've heard too many times of the man breaking things off the day before the wedding to worry about if we're playing games."
We don't reassure men. Ever.
A man should always be in touch with you. If he's really interested, he'll call constantly even if you broke up. He doesn't want you to forget him.
After a few months, a marriageable gent should be mentioning the future and you should be in it.
You want a guy who's addicted to you.
When he asks what you want, say "I don't know - what do you want?" Echo any questions like that.
If his mom's asking "When will you two marry?" say "Marry?!? Geez, I never thought about that! Mmmm, this meatloaf is excellent!"
It's ok to smile at a guy then look away, but better to be smiling at the entire room.
No ILY? Then do not go on vacation with him nor visit him at all.
If he asks you to do something against TR (ie: give him a call), say that you're unsure... then never do.
For OL-D: They're encouraging it now. Definitely put a photo up. Calls can be a little longer. Basically all the stuff we've come up with. But they also said "The Rules can't begin until you meet."
I got up and shared the safety tips I have for OL-D and they want a copy. Looks like their next book will be about that.
Ok, so in review:
* The first meeting sets the tone. They MUST seek YOU out.
* When they throw guyspeak at us, say "I was thinking the same thing."
* When they ask what we want, play dumb.
* When you want more of them, see less of them.
* When in doubt, ask his intentions.
Overall, an excellent evening! 3 hours of Q&A, so I got to see how TR applies in several stages of a relationship. Very nice!
And just great meeting Auberge (my short haired twin!), Sundanceflower, and seeing Darci!
Ok, gals, what did I forget?
I love that they emphasize from the very first MOMENT it's his job to pursue. I'll definitely have that branded on my brain. I got the distinct feeling that the rules should get stricter as the relationship progresses!
The most common mistakes women make are:
Advices
As far as online dating: you can not really do TR before he saw you. TR only start after he saw you in person, and there was "chemistry". they truly encouraged women to put ads in dating services, including online ones; especially for those in mid-30s and older. Just be smart about safety stuff, and go ahead! It is important to post your picture with an ad -- this way you know you don't attract men, whose type you're not. They should know how you look and like it! try LOVE@AOL -- one woman had 4000 responses (yes, four thousand) from them. Then she took her photo off. E&S told her to put it back ;-) And, again, remember, TR truly start, when he meets you in person! what to say when...- Don't be silly, of course I never play hard to get! Other interesting comments it is a very good sign, if he demands to know what's going on with you. He's interested! Even better if he does it daily. also, interesting episode -- one girlina reported, that her otherwise rulesy fiance-to-be wants "space"; however, he keeps leaving messages on her machine about how she is, what's going on with her, etc. E&S suggested the following trick to learn his intentions. Suppose he says "did you hear that guy X is getting married to girl Y?". Your response should be:"oh, ok. How long did they date before they got engaged/married?". This will put his mind on the issue of timing, hopefully. Or, at least you will learn something about future.
(to the question "What have you been doing?") -- Oh, I don't even know! :)
(to the question "Would you come to my city?") -- I would LOVE TO, ... but ... uh... :( ... it's not gonna work :(
If you do something rulesy, that they completely don't expect, they will pull back and announce you're "not interested anyway". But they will come back. And they will come back stronger than before! so do TR and don't fear his occasional pull backs.
E&S's advice: do NOT NEXT him: he's calling you daily, even though he announced he needs space. However, do not take his calls and don't return his calls. At least for 2 weeks. It's very serious. Be nowhere to be found! give him tons of space. But don't NEXT him yet -- he's calling daily -- he's interested, but scared (hence, wants space).