My BF said to me, "I'm so sorry to do this to you." I retorted loftily, "Feel sorry for yourself. I've already moved on."
A very spicy girl!;)
You know, this is really funny. The longer I do this, the more I realize that no matter what problems a female has with a male, there's almost noo need to say anything but "noh" or "yes!" (and wear something cute, of course).
This solves all problems, practically. Armed with two, one syllable words, and some great shoes and skirts, a female can get anything she wants. You just say "noh" to everything males offer you that you don't like, and move away from it and "yes!" to everything they offer you that you do like (you take it with feminine radiance, and then you slowly start to move, flirtily, away again, so men can chase you). Men are simple creatures.
I have the privilege of knowing Little Baby in real life and she has the BEST ways of handling men. If they ask her a string of boring questions she says "Why don't you ask me my favorite color?' laughing, playful . When they ask (smiling) she says "Pink!" It makes the convo fun again.
Ruth15: She says, if it's a man, (like that married guy), you would say "Oh, Mr. Smith, I couldn't possibly find anyone as wonderful as you, so I guess I just stopped looking." If it's a woman, you would say "Oh, Aunt Pittypat, I could never make as wonderful a wife as you, so I guess I just stopped looking."
Well, if it's obviously someone asking because he's interested and checking out your availability, I would say kind of look him up and down, like your sizing him up, then [coyly] say "Well, I'm not seeing anyone exclusively"-short pause- "yet". As if to say "If you play your cards right, you just might get me exclusively."
If it's someone intent on following through with a long line of questioning about why no one is good for you, either shrug them off with a comment like "Have you been talking to my mother?" this will surprise them, and they'll smile or laugh. It will lighten the topic up! Or call them and say "I'm sorry, what exactly are you getting at?" That should shut them up.
Francella:
I think, at the wedding, when people ask "so, when are you going to get married?", she should say, "what!? and give up all these men?!", then add a wink.
they'll all be dying of jealousy & wish they were single and fancy free. try it! say it in a light and flirty way. ;o) (remember, married people are secretly jealous of single people!)
MsScarlett: I guess I could post this one here. I wanted to know, do you find that a man will ask you if you want to get married, and you say, "yes, someday", and then later they bring it up and use it against you? They may say something like, "I really care about you, but I know you are looking to get married...". It bothers me, because they ask,and I say "yes, someday", not "Yes, to you". They assume it is to them. I find this to be very egotistical and arrogant. What have your experiences been?
LadyClaudia: I know what you mean Ms. Scarlett. What's a Rules girl response to this question? "Someday, I guess. I haven't really thought about it" or "I guess I'd think about it if the right guy came along." Or how about just throwing it back at him. "Hmmm ... That's an interesting question. Why do you want to know?" I bet *that'll* keep him quiet.
If a guy makes a statement like the one you mentioned above and you really do want to get married ... It's NEXT!!! He's clearly not interested in having a serious relationship.
Kute Katie: Well, I suppose I haven't had this problem because I don't say "yes, someday." I say "I don't know" like its almost never occured to me and then hopefully change the subject.
For me, if the guy said, "OK, I'll meet you at X Restaurant at 7", I'd say, "oh, I won't be able to go, then." I KNOW that's hard to do, though. You have to be ready to stick to your guns.
Francella:
...when he "shares" about a hot babe he saw, and then describes her, you "share" also! "oh, wow! I saw this hot guy at the gym, today...he had the most lean, cut abs, and the dreamiest brown eyes...".
do it every time bf "shares".
littlebaby - Mar 22, 00:
[GigiGirl]: Last time, over dinner, he made lots of eye-contact, gazing, said things like, "I could stare at you all night."
I hear that crap all the time. when he says he could stare at you all night, say: "along with the rest of the men here." wink, big smile
or chirp: "why, of course you can!"
or, when he starts up, just *look* at him. that's it. isn't that easy?
do the shy smile thing and look down and up through your eyelashes at him. or, if that's not you, do the blinding smile thing. After the look, sometimes i just look at him, with big ole' beaming eyes. nary a facial expression. let your eyes do the talking. I have no qualms about making a man uncomfortable. silence makes them uncomfortable. they like it, deep down. they just don't know it.
from Chameleon:
M: Where are you going?
F: Out. Nowhere. Who wants to know? Area 51 On a secret mission for the government.
M: Who are you going out with?
F: Nobody No one YOU know ;-) Brad Pitt. That's classified ;) A tall, dark & handsome stranger. (or a classic standby, that works with many intrusive questions) Why do you ask?
If he pushes the issue, a couple of good comebacks (still said teasingly) are:
What - are you the schedule police?" Nunya (as in Nunya bizness) The thing is to answer in such a way that you set your boundaries, and let him know that you don't owe him an explanation without making an issue out of it. If he continues to press, feel free to call him on it and simply state - It is none of your business, and I don't appreciate you interrogating me like this.
M: Where are you going?
F: (I don't want to say) I don't know, I guess it's supposed to be some sort of a surprise or something...//
I don't know, I didn't make the reservations (I wasn't the one who made reservations).
M: How much do you earn?
F: (peer at him jokingly) Saaaayyyy, I was RIGHT! You ARE that cute undercover IRS agent I saw on the news the other night!!
Why? Do you need to publish my financial statics and/or net worth on a web page or something???
I've Never been married and it seems like everyone likes to ask that question. Responses
F: I'm accepting applications, but the interviews take forever!
You know, I started holding auditions for the part..and they've been so darn entertaining, I don't want to stop!
I called the catalog, but the model I want is on back order...
M: Do you want a rose?
F: Oh, you're such a romantic! :)
Yes, please!!! Thank you for insisting! How nice of you!!!
Seeya - Nov 2, 99: When my daughter started dating her first long term boyfriend last year, he brought up how he wanted to go back to Texas maybe in a few months to live(where he finished high school)--we live in Washington. I could see her face cloud over when he said it, so I wrote a note telling her to Y-A-W-N in an unperturbed manner, then just say "Well, drop me a postcard sometime..."
She did, and boy, was he stunned. He was obviously hoping for a BIG weepy reaction. After that, he completely dropped the subject and never brought it up again for as long as they went out.
kanani - Jun 20, 99: If he wants to take you out the next day, tell him, "Oh how thoughtful of you to want to include me in on YOUR plans... Unfortunately, I have made plans of my own for tomorrow." Never ask for a raincheck. He should ask your for a raincheck.!! If he asks for the day after, tell him, "I've have this whole week scheduled with various activities and oh... rats!!! I don't have my date book handy..."
If he mentions how cute the girl at the bar is, I would tell him, "GO FETCH!!" in an ever so "upbeat" and light fashion....
and then I would become SUPER aloof and ignore his calls after that.. This man has no class if he says something like that in front of you and may be GROOMING you for further abuse.... he has no respect...
M: Do you want me to buy you a rose?
F: Do I what? (amazed)
M: Do you want a rose?
F: Do I want one?
M: Yeah!
Girl: Oh, no.(shrugs it off)
(I guess the E&S response is to have the air of someone who gets flowers all the time. Laugh politely and say "oh, no thanks" as if you have had bouquets up the wahoo and wouldn't be caught dead accepting such a feeble gesture. Also, aren't you supposed to act as though you're not sure that you want him 100%? Hinting that you want a rose from him is revealing your hand.)
M (on the phone): What are you wearing?
F: I'll leave THAT to your imagination :) ;) ;)
Chanel number five
A smile
*when rupture and leak, and bf doesn't fix it, and calls next day and asks "how was it?"*
F: Jim [the repair guy] fixed it. He was so good at it. He helped me so much. I'm so happy now. ;-)
M: it's your turn to call!
F: I didn't know, I lost track! OK, I forfeit my turn - Your Turn!
M (on the phone): Guess who it is?!
F: hm... Antonio?! Frank-Xavier?! ... Giovanni? Olivier?! Oh, sorry, I have somebody on
the other line. [and hang up]
F (in response to excessive questioning): If you're going to be so nosy, I am going! Bye!"
Seela - 12:03pm Jun 15, 2000 EST
Suddenly, my friends are all teasing me about my biological clock and my "childbearing years" running out... the truth is I'm only 30!!
I know they're having fun with me because when Stalker Guy called me, that's what he'd said to me... he was under the
impression I was afraid my childbearing years were running out (the guy was a fruitloop).
My guy friend jokingly asked me if I was planning on having kids anytime soon, and I looked at him, without smiling, and said, "Why... are you volunteering?" That shut him up.
thisgirl:
You could say cheerfully, "I'm not worried about it. Why are you?"
pamina1: Next time he says, "I miss you.." say, "that's sweet" and change the subject.
- So... did you meet a lot of men on this (online dating)?
LRaine: Oh, I've had fun.
What if he asks if I missed him? I feel for sure he's going to ask if there is another man.
- Oh, you are sooo cute when you're pouting/possessive/ jealous...
(fill in the blank to suit the situation), said in a flirty, feminine voice. Change of topic.
At the end of phone conversation with a guy I have gone to a concert with, he asks:
- So would you want to go to dinner at that italian restuarant by you sometime?
I know you might say,"when did you have in mind?" but he didnt have it in mind, he was calling about something else and
it seems weird to say this.
Any other thoughts...?
Wowgirl, I'd just say "That sounds fun!" You're not committing to a date he hasn't asked you on yet, and you're not asking him. I think its rulesy, and nice.
What if they ask you to be exclusive after about 3 dates?????? Is it rude to say no?
::nadeshiko gets under desk, picks jaw up off floor, and firmly reinserts it in its proper place::
This is what I mean about the way women are socialized that they have to do whatever men ask them to do. This is
YOUR life, chica! Do you want to be exclusive? Do you want to have sex? Do you want to get married? Do you want to
let men make all your decisions forever? I've known women who went on dates with men they didn't like, had sex before
they wanted to, went exclusive, got engaged and got married and had kids all because they couldn't say "no, I don't want
to" to a man who "hadn't done anything wrong!"
It is NOT RUDE to say NO to ANYTHING that a man asks you to do that you DON'T WANT TO DO!!! If it's something
you might want to do later, then smile, bat your eyelashes and blush while saying no, but say no anyway. You're not
ready, you're not ready, he'll have to wait.
He took you on three dates! You owe him NOTHING, nada, zip, nandemonai! He had the pleasure of your company on
three successive evenings and he wants to make sure no one else gets it! What has he done to EARN this privilege?
Unless you make them work for what they want (whatever that is, it's not sex as often as most people think, most of the
time it's power in your life), they will never treat you better than they do on the first three dates.
Do you love him? Do you think he's "the one"? Do you have the internal strength to not break rules and act like his wife if
you date only him? Has he treated you with an appropriate amount of respect and care? Is he displaying willingness and
ability to care for you like the CUAO you are? Does he respect your time (if he's asking for exclusivity this soon, probably
not)?
Even if you want exclusivity, and specifically with him, three dates may be too soon for you. You need to learn how to
handle the particular rush he induces and if you're not sure you can, it's too soon.
It is not rude of you to say no. It is presumptuous of him to ask (but many good men are a little bit presumptuous, it
means they act on their feelings) and it would be RUDE of HIM to press you further immediately if you say no. If he really
wants you, he will work to earn the privilege of your exclusivity. If you give in too easily, you may lose respect for yourself
and start deferring to him too much in other things. Once you lose respect for yourself, he won't have respect for you
either. Game ovah!
Sorry if this sounds mean, but I'm just knocked over. If you don't want to, say, "You're a great guy, but I don't think I'm
ready for that... yet."
If he asks if you're dating other guys, just shrug. Or give him The Look. It's none of his business what you do when he's
not around, even if you're screwing the whole Seventh Regiment or running a numbers racket. He's not your daddy, your
boss, your big brother, or your teacher. You don't have to do what he says or answer his questions. Treat him like that on
the fourth date, and by the time you're married, he'll think he's your lord and master.
- So, what are you up to?
- 5'5" - same as usual. *grin*
- Why did you put up that online ad?
- Well, how else were you going to find me, Silly??
- 410 -
Any suggestions on how to convey this kind of sensual feminitity over the phone? I'm LD from my bf for the summer, and won't see him til August. He calls 1-2x/wk. that's why we don't talk on the phone much. ;)
because men are visual creatures. don't answer the phone that much if you want him to see you more.
on the phone, you have to...mmm...just be breezy & sweet, don't think about this much. on the phone, when you talk, never complain (about gas prices, your landlord, your mother, your job, your boss, your sister, your knees, what someone said to you or did to you, other drivers on the road, your headache, backache, your messy house, your cat's lesion, you get it don't you).
let him lead the conversation and choose the topics. mention sensual things, like how prettee the sky is or how sweet the honeysuckle smells on the porch, how, mmm...deelicious the pie smells (pretend you just took one out of the oven) (or rilly bake one), talk about anything sensual, how dreamy the brazilian music sounds (you're playing it now, or you just bought, go buy some for when he calls).
talk about how you just washed your hair, and you're putting lemon in it, jasmine oil on it, or you're putting tangerine/jasmine lotion on your legs. say you had fun when you went out dancing , or to the beach.
don't talk about how you haven't filed your taxes yet, you got a parking ticket, and had a fight with your assistant.
talk about a vacation you're planning to a favorite, beautiful place, or to a (scarey to him) place like italy or france, greece. some place populated with lots of swarthy guys. talk about how you want to go to Tennessee, to visit a girlfriend, and when you get there, you're going to go skinny dipping in your favorite place, or pick, fresh, lusty fruit right from the vine.
the content should be on the senses not on how you car alarm is broken again . ;) you get the pichur. ;)
be more sensual to talk to, and don't talk to him like he's a girlfriend, sharing and telling all with him (he's not a girl) (he wants to hear other things).
(He's also sent letters & pictures, but I'm mostly concerned w/ expressing the magical wordlessness of a Dream Girl over the phone) Thanx. send him cute pictures of you, with very short notes in them.
answer the phone less. and take some super cute pictures and send them breezily off. ;)
Guy: "Would you like to/ mind going Dutch on this meal?"
Me: "You mean, like wear clogs?"/"Do you mean you want us to wear those funny wooden shoes?"