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2 Cents on The Latest Remake Developments








Did you know that between 2008 and next year 2009...that will make almost 30 new horror remakes that have been or are scheduled to be released? And that's not even counting the ones that will be released in 2010. Just to name a few..."Child's Play", "Mirrors" (came out this past August), "Rosemary's Baby", "The Echo", "A Tale Of Two Sisters (The Uninvited), "Hellraiser", "My Bloody Valentine", "Attack Of The Killer Tomatoes", "Seed" (The Hidden remake), "Night Of The Demons", "Let The Right One In", "Quarantine" (REC remake), "Dead Daughters", "The Host", "Mother's Day", "Don't Be Afraid Of The Dark", "Rocky Horror Picture Show", "Children Of The Corn", "Waxwork", "The Crazies", and ''Sorority Row" (House On Sorority Row remake). Oh...and there's plenty more where that came from. Then there are the possibles...such as a remake of "Nightmare On Elm Street", which may or may not happen. Even the new "Friday the 13th" film is being partially billed as a remake of sorts, although I digress considering it's basically a sequel to part one that somehow fits in between "Friday the 13th" (original), and "Friday the 13th 2".

But...you get my point. The remake disease has spread faster than the rumor of a new Britney Spears pregnancy. And it's showing no sign of slowing down. But I myself have often wondered...when would the bubble burst? When would the bottom...finally fall out of the wagon and the wheels would then come off completely? Well, we might be headed in that direction a smidge. When major players start coming out and criticizing these new, bastardized versions of their work...that's when you know people are beginning to get fed up somewhat with Hollywood's constant need to revamp every horror film in existence. Take Richard O'Brien for example, the guy who wrote all of the songs for the original "Rocky Horror Picture Show".

As if it weren't bad enough that MTV is behind the remake of the cult classic, they of course want to do a totally new slate of songs for the remake...which led to O'Brien making a statement saying..."I have no view on whether it should be remade but it doesn't have my blessing." Now he's not exactly bashing the remake, saying it's gonna suck worse than "Battlefield Earth" or anything, but you can obviously tell he is not thrilled with the idea, the fact that he did not give the remake his blessing is blatant proof of this. It's kind of like getting hitched, only to hear mom or dad say "I'm not gonna stop the wedding, but there's no way in hell I'm showin' up for it!" Then there's Barry Bostwick, who starred in the original 1975 version. His view on the remake? "It's of its time. It's brilliant for what it was. To make it specifically for MTV or television, it loses its energy, its audience participation. We made it in 1975. I just think there's something about the morals of it that are a bit old fashioned now. It was a bit salacious for the time, but when you look back on it, it's pretty tame. You'd have to keep it as a period piece, but then why? It's already been done."

Bostwick did however go on to say that he hopes they can come up with something really great and new for the remake though, just to separate it enough from the original. But his initial reaction was the same one that I have whenever I hear about a horror film remake...which is WHY? IT'S ALREADY BEEN DONE. Remakes are usually done for two reasons. One...a film is old as dirt...we're talking fossil fuel, mummy, ancient...all of the above. A film that came out so long ago that someone over the age of 105 can remember seeing the film on opening day when they were 21 years old. In that case...yes, a remake in 2008 would certainly suffice. Reason two is that the fans of the films respective genre, in this case...the horror genre, didn't receive the film well.

If the overwhelming majority of horror fans hated a film, and the movie has low ratings all over the place...and to top it all off, it's a late 70's, early 80's film, then a redo makes alot of sense. For one, lets see if it can be done better than this guy did back in 78' because everyone and their mom hated that movie. And now here we are in 2008, and just today...Director Tomas Alfredson might've said it best, when...of the planned remake of his Swedish vampire film "Let The Right One In"...he stated -- "Remakes should be made of movies that aren't very good, that gives you the chance to fix whatever has gone wrong." Yes! Now why can't Hollywood figure this out? To play Devil's Advocate, I could say that original ideas aren't easy to come by.

Well actually they are, if you listen to new people...instead of the same people who are just gonna crank out the same ideas over and over again just to keep their jobs. Because they know if original idea number 1 fails, then it's pinkslip time possibly. So...better go with safe idea number 2,500...which is the same as safe ideas 1 through 2,499...only this one stars Amber Tamblyn and not Rosario Dawson. Of course it's still the same film, but those crazy teenagers won't ever notice that. MWAHAHAHA! Man I'm a genius! Ah, no...you're not. The reason why so many horror films aren't raking in cash is because even the very young audience, most (not all) of which have very limited attention spans, are noticing that it's all seeming to look the same to them.

And with movie theater ticket prices these days, even they aren't gonna pay 10 bucks or more to see a film they saw 90% of two months before. Of course the studios would tell you it's the fault of these..."new original horror films", and how because they aren't profitable...that's why business isn't booming as much for horror films. Of course, these same studios have one original horror film on their new year slate, with the other 11 being remakes or sequels to remakes. Kind of makes it hard for an original idea, that may have been released to theaters at the wrong time, or put up against the wrong movie to succeed don't ya think? When it's outnumbered like that.

To play Devil's Advocate yet again, on the subject of remakes of foreign horror films...well...no one wants to watch a film with subtitles, so why not remake it in English? Well actually, people might not pay to see a film with subtitles technically...but as it is with everything else...it's all in the marketing. "The Blairwitch Project" was simply a trip to the woods on a fall day, but it made millions because of a slick marketing campaign. Market anything the right way, and you can turn a profit. But the studios would rather drop these foreign originals to DVD under the radar, in conjunction with an equally insulting limited theatrical release...which basically means if you don't live in New York or L.A., you ain't seeing it.

Then they turn around and say..."You see? I told you no one wants to see a film with subtitles, look it bombed!" Sure it did....but you had nothing to do with setting up the circumstances for the film to fail now did you? The equally insulting train of thought is that perhaps people in the middle of the country aren't cultured or smart enough to be able to appreciate a good cinematic experience, subtitles or not. Whether that's true or not, it should be a decision they (middle americans) are allowed to make for themselves. But alas, after a breezy theatrical release, the film then goes to DVD. Where sometimes it builds a cult following and gets great reviews. But by the time the cult following has a solid foundation, Screen Gems has cranked out a remake, a sequel to said remake, and a prequel is waiting in the wings. And so the shameful game continues.

If the horror genre is gonna survive...and more importantly thrive, then it needs an infusion of new blood. And sooner or later, the studios who are buying up rights to every piece of foreign horror they can find...will run out of movies to remake. Soon...some foreign film companies might stop selling the remake rights to Hollywood. It's doubtful, but never say never. Or perhaps foreign filmmakers will take a stand and say unless there's a no remake provision put into my contract, I won't make this movie for you. Or maybe the trickle of complaints from directors, and actors alike about these remakes will turn into a wave of resistance. Either way, when studios stop disrespecting original ideas...i.e. "Repo:The Genetic Opera", with limited releases and financial fear, then you'll see the horror genre finally reach it's full potential. But as of now...it's quickly become rehash central.


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