[Bitten]
Plot:On his way home from his job as a night shift EMT Jack finds a beautiful girl covered in blood and needing help. She refuses to go to Hospital so he takes her to his apartment. Thus begins a love affair between mortal and vampire and the consequences that unfold.

Cast:Jason Mewes, Erica Cox, Richard Fitzpatrick, Jordan Madley, Nic Nac, Stuart Stone, Grace Armas, Amy Lynn Grover, Jeff Pangman, Shawn Goldberg, Stefan Brogren, Suresh John.

My Thoughts:Wooooooow.....just..woooooooow.

Review:I am not exactly sure when vampire movies just became total shit. But it sure has been continuing for a long time, that's for sure. Take "Bitten" for example, another in a long line of vampire/comedies where some hapless human male crosses paths with a female vampire. And after that, his life becomes a total wreck thanks to her. It's the same tough-love lesson people who keep exotic animals such as tigers and monkey's in their homes learn. Some things human beings just weren't meant to co-exist with and next to.

In this movies case, our hapless human male is named Jack, and played by THE Jason Mewes. He is currently on the outs with his ex-girlfriend, hence her being his ex. So he returns home one day from his job as an EMT and him and his ex have another arguement. But soon after that, she turns up dead. Drained of all of her blood. Of course it's all Jack's fault, as he has recently been stowing-away a mysterious woman who he met recently.

Of course he's unaware that she's a vampire, and the film unfolds with him eventually learning that little tidbit of info, and then having to clean up behind her as she bumps off more and more people. Like another vampire movie I saw awhile back, this one called "The Insatiable"...this film doesn't do anything different. We have a guy who knows full well that keeping a female vampire, key word here being vampire...in his home, will lead to more death, and bloodshed. But because she's so hot, he just cannot bring himself to get rid of her.

Thus when she kills, he has to dispose of the bodies before he ends up going to prison for murder. And at the same time, he wants to believe he can ween this woman off of human blood so he can have some sort of mortal/immortal relationship with her. But the viewer knows that'll never happen because......drumroll please...she's a friggin vampire! And so we're left to watch this snoozefest from start to finish just to see how long Jack (Mewes) can hold out before he does what needs to be done. That's if the vamp chick doesn't "do" him in first.

So what was the point of this movie again? Yeah, I don't remember either. But I do know I am sick of vampire movies like this. You can basically play hunches all the way through, guessing what will happen first, second, and even last as far as the series of events is concerned. And Mewes isn't even funny in this movie, which was what I was atleast hoping for. Some decent one-liners, but chances are Mewes wasn't happy to be in this movie himself and probably decided against improving anything. To make matters worse, the vampire chick isn't even really that hot. Which was quite disappointing.

If I were Jack, I would've sent her packing early in the game because she's not much to look at, and plus....she's a vampire. So why keep her around? There is one ray of light in this otherwise dark, and depressing tale. And I mean dark and depressing as in it sucks so bad it's not a joy to watch for 90 minutes at all. But onto the so called ray of light, the kills are quite comical in how they eventually come about in the overall scheme of things.

And in some parts it seems that everyone who comes to visit Jack in his apartment winds up dead thanks to the vampire. But be on the lookout for the biggest contradiction ever from Mewes character Jack, in the movie when a local drug dealer becomes the lady vamps latest victim. His line of dialogue after that moment comes as a big shock considering Mewes played a stoner/pot dealer in Jay, for most of his career. "Bitten" isn't really worth seeing unless you're a Jason Mewes fan on the big time. If you're not a big Mewes fan, or are a casual one....then don't bother with this one.

Positives:Some of the deaths are funny in their own way.

Negatives:Cliche story, mostly boring characters, an unfunny Jason Mewes is never a good thing, and a female vamp who isn't all that good looking.

Overall:One out of four stars.





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