[Children Of The Corn 2009]
Plot:Remake of Stephen King's classic horror pic. In this updated version...former Vietnam vet BURT's marriage to former prom queen VICKY is on the rocks, but Burt hopes to rekindle their old flame with a second honeymoon driving trip. Unfortunately, their journey takes them into the heart of darkness - a seemingly deserted rural community that conceals a grim secret among its rows of tall corn.

Cast:David Anders, Kandyse McClure, Daniel Newman, Preston Bailey.

My Thoughts:He Who Walks Behind The Rows is rolling over in his cornfield.

Review:Well Syfy Channel's "Children Of The Corn" remake royally sucked. Big surprise. The movie, which was directed by the Producer of the original 1984 version, Donald P. Borchers, has Burt (David Anders), and Vicki (Kandyse McClure), an unhappily married couple, headed to meet with their divorce lawyer in California. When they suddenly hit a boy on the road, and in an attempt to find the boys parents, enter into the town of Gatlin Nebraska. Anyone who's familiar with King's story and the 1984 version of "Children Of The Corn", knows where our story goes from here.

But this movie does not come forth as a full-fledged remake. It differs greatly from the original version, in some very bad ways. For one thing, Burt and Vicki are a very argumentative couple. They spend a lot of the film bickering at one another. A total 180 from Peter Horton and Linda Hamilton of King's 1984 version, a pretty happy couple. This film also gives Burt a vietnam background which makes him very high strung and ill-tempered. And Vicki is an ex-prom queen so she constantly barks orders at her husband in a bratty fashion.

You can pretty much figure out from the jump that these two are in more danger from each other rather than the corn, Isaac and Malachai, or He who walks behind the rows. The movie though really does too much story chopping to be even remotely acceptable. For one, the original "COTC" greatest scenes, was the scene at the very beginning where Joseph dies in the cornfield at the hands of Malachai. This movie does away with that scene, and thus shoots itself in the foot early on.

Although it replaces that missing scene with some more emotion from Vicki where she blames Burt for hitting the injured Joseph and calls him a murderer, etc. And thus the hyper angry couple pretty much hogs most of the films screentime with their fighting and arguing. Meanwhile, as they drive deeper into town, Malachai, Isaac, and the kids watch them, plot, plan, and strategize against them. The new actors playing Isaac and Malachai respectively are Preston Bailey and Daniel Newman.

And they try their best, but are they believable? Hell no! It's not really Bailey and Newman that kill the characters of Isaac and Malachai, as it is how they're written. Malachai isn't the evil, brooding, knife-wielding thug he was in the original. He has become a poet of sorts, who spouts the same biblical nonsense that Isaac does. And Isaac has some new threads which are more reminiscent of the Isaac from "666:Isaac's Return", rather than the Isaac from King's original 1984 version.

He's also about 3 foot 6, much shorter than Franklin's Isaac, and also has less emotion behind his words, and so a valuable lesson is learned here. John Franklin and Courtney Gains will always be Isaac and Malachai, and any others are just pretenders. But the script really handicaps Newman and Bailey from being able to make these characters work in the least. Back on the subject of Burt and Vicki though, in this updated version, they're an interracial couple, although the film is set in the 70's.

And like any movie where blacks and whites are in it together, naturally....the black person (Vicki), wants to split the town ASAP because it's creepy and feels dangerous, and the white guy (Burt), is determined, stubborn, and pig-headed to stay until they find people. This of course results in disaster for one half of the unhappy couple, and I won't spoil which here. Other changes in this verison include the children of the corn themselves. They're awfully young, and the older ones for some reason are about 30 pounds overweight.

A 360 turn from the mostly slim and teen-aged kids in the original. They also all dress alike in this version, whereas in the original, while they were all a part of the same cult, they dressed different from one another. The music in this remake also doesn't fit the films overall scheme, and many other classic moments are missing from this film including some plot twists at the end whereas the original had he who walks behind the rows making an appearance, Isaac and Malachai's leadership rift, and Amoses self-sacrifice, the remake flips all of that over and changes it around.

The sum of this entire movie, too many changes. Granted, it would've been boring if they had stuck with King's original shot-for-shot. But I expected the remake to atleast add to the story. Instead, it takes so much from King's 1984 movie version, and either changes it for the worse, or writes it out all together. "Children Of The Corn 2009" is an exercise in how not to remake a horror classic.

Positives:Anders and McClure give a great performance as Burt and Vicki.

Negatives:Isaac and Malachai are written with too many bad changes, the story is grossly changed from King's 1984 movie. Too much changed, and too much written out. A lot of scenes were also pretty ridiculous, such as Burt's brawl with the kids in an alley, and Burt's vietnam flashbacks in the corn.

Overall:One star out of four.





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