[Diagnosis Death]
Plot:Is the irreverent tale of two people undergoing a radical treatment for cancer. Locked in a medical facility over a weekend as guinea pigs for a drug trial, they discover the clinic may pose more harm than they could have imagined. The drugs cause hallucinations. Or are they seeing ghosts for real? Struggling with their senses, they must team up to solve a haunting secret.

Cast:Bret McKenzie, Rhys Darby, Jemaine Clement, Raybon Kan, Jessica Grace Smith, Suze Tye.

My Thoughts:Diagnosis...fail.

Review:"Diagnosis Death" is quite the interesting little supernatural horror film. For one thing, it has an asian male lead, which is not par for the course unless you're talking about asian horror movies. In the case of which "Diagnosis Death" isn't an asian horror film, but a New Zealand horror production. The movie follows a teacher named Andre Chang (Kan), who takes his job as an educator very seriously...well...in some ways anyway. After a hot date with a local, he visits the doctor the next day to find out that he has cancer, and has a very short time to live. The doctor tells him that there's very little they can do.

But then remembers that his brother is doing radical cancer research at a secret facility, and just might be able to help Andre to save his life, and cure him. Andre decides to agree to the treatment, and upon arriving at the facility, he meets a woman named Juliet (Grace Smith), who is also there to be cured of cancer by the new treatment. But things go from hopeful, to terrifying when some restless spirits begin to make their presence known within the clinic to Andre and Juliet. Spirits with a connection to the clinic, and leading Andre and Juliet into the depths of a twisted mystery.

"Diagnosis Death" poses a unique story to the viewer and overall film watcher. The story strays far from the usual nonsense that most supernatural horror films from the indie side of the horror spectrum constantly offer up. The stuff migraines are made of, and sad to say, are mostly used by american filmmakers. But beyond the fresh and new situation that the film puts it's characters in, "Diagnosis Death" 'flatlines' BIG TIME. For one thing, the lead character Andre comes off as a douchebag slightly, but his personality is extremely annoying.

The guy just doesn't eminate strength and steadfastness. For a person who takes financial bribes from the parents of his failing students (a plot point sorted out at the films start), he seems to be completely out of character for how he starts off in this movie. I've never seen a person turn from sour to sweet in such a short amount of time. If you cut out the first ten minutes of the movie, you'd think Andre was a saint, when he really isn't. But, for someone who has what I refer to as "fluid morals", the character should've had much more of an edge to him.

He unfortunately didn't. Then there's the ghosts and the mystery behind the ghosts. The whole supernatural mystery within the movie, is so cheesy and lame, especially visually considering the ghosts look like something out of a cartoon show...that it reminds me of a "Scooby Doo" episode, instead of a real horror movie. And the characters being so softcore and cliche, really emphasize the notion that someone wanted to give this movie an ABC Family feel and overtone.

I mean we have the asian guy who is hot for the softspoken white girl, ghosts who are ghosts, and are dead, but not exactly scary, nor clear about what they want exactly. And last but not least, an evil nurse...who is so obviously involved in the ghostly hauntings that it's pathetic. And who is thrown in for good measure. Because you know it's not a clinic-set horror film until an evil nurse with the cold stare and the sexy accent shows up to the party.

This movie is so out there and so wonky, that it even offers up a scene of ghosts having sex. Yes...it gets THAT BAD. The film just didn't seem to take it's genre seriously. And while horror/comedy is a worthy subgenre, this movie seemed to just want to pack on the layers of retardedness more and more with each new scene. Driving hardly any story, plot, or events of which the viewer can be entertained or intrigued by.

We know the mystery of the "Ghost Clinic" will be solved, we know that the evildoer will be punished, and we know all of this will be accomplished in exactly 82 minutes. But the movie seems to wander around aimlessly until act three where Andre and Juliet finally decide to shut down this evil operation. Giving us the two main characters making googly eyes at one another for a majority of the picture, instead of any real scares, terror, or fear.

The films final act isn't even worthy of a clap, laugh, or singular intense moment, and the movies conclusion is such a corny event, that you're waiting for the villain to proclaim: "I would've gotten away with it too, if it weren't for that white girl and her meddling asian boyfriend." Followed by Velma pulling up in the mystery mobile with a big smile on her face because yet another mystery, is in the books. In total, don't bother with this one. "Diagnosis Death" is one hospital visit you might wanna skip.

Positives:The story like I said, is set up nicely with the cancer subplot, which leads to Andre taking on the radical experimentation to cure himself.

Negatives:The characters are poorly written, the ghosts are about as scary as Casper The Friendly Ghost on acid, the human villain is a predictable coo, and the ending is extremely lame.

Overall:One star out of four.





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