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[Jonah Hex]
Plot:The U.S. military makes a scarred bounty hunter with warrants on his own head an offer he cannot refuse: in exchange for his freedom, he must stop a terrorist who is ready to unleash Hell on Earth.
Cast:Josh Brolin,
John Malkovich,
Megan Fox,
Michael Shannon,
Will Arnett.
My Thoughts:Um....well....what?
Review:"Jonah Hex", the film adaptation of the DC coming of the same name, follows a bounty hunter named Jonah Hex, who was betrayed by his once boss Quentin Turnbull, and scarred for life by Turnbull's henchmen. Now, Turnbull has "turned", no pun intended, into a terrorist, hell-bent on breaking up the North/South U.S. union which he sees as unholy. So President Ulysses S. Grant sends his men to retrieve the only man he believes can stop Turnbull, Jonah Hex (Josh Brolin). Hex of course agrees out of the simple driving factor of revenge.
But can he stop Turnbull in time? This film is quite a cracker. And when I say cracker, I mean it's square and thin. Square as in predictable, typical, and cliche. And thin as in it lacks meat, and really doesn't go anywhere worthwhile. Megan Fox for example, plays a brothelite named Lilah. She's the typical kind of burlesque-dancer-looking girl you'd find in a film set in the old south or olf west. She doesn't take crap from guys, beats up a few of them, spouts some sultry one-liners, and does all of this in a tight outfit and some knee-high boots.
Granted, her character gives the movie some eye-candy, in a contrast with Jonah Hex who is horribly disfigured, but the character has no edge or surprise to her. She's just there. And doing everything you'd expect from a character like Lilah. You can even pinpoint what she's gonna do next and how she'll do it. Like for example when Jonah Hex shows up to Lilah's "residence", you know they'll flirt for awhile, and then do "stuff", and there's just no intrigue to Lilah or why she is the way she is. The character lacks depth, in fact...Mikaela from "Transformers" has more depth than Lilah, and that's saying something.
As for Brolin as Jonah, well, Josh plays the role professionally. Jonah is an enigmatic character, who has one cool scene in the movie where he uses machine guns attached to a horse, to gun down some unsavory characters very early on in the film. But beyond that, and another cool scene where he uses his powers to reanimate, and communicate with the already deceased, Brolin as Jonah isn't given much time to do anything in this movie. And that's because the film runs only 75 minutes long!
Yes, I was expecting this to be an atleast 1hr and 40 minute picture, but it clocked in, according to my watch at 75 minutes, not counting end credits and all. I guess considering the films script didn't offer much to digest plot wise, 72 to 75 minutes was perfect for this kind of "wham bam thank you mam" filmmaking. The horror elements in the movie are very miniscule, but still are certainly there. Just not in the ways most of us are used to. Villains are all around in this movie, from shady politicians, to evil henchmen, to Quentin Turnbull (Malkovich), himself.
Malkovich plays Turnbull exceptionally well, but the character is written so poorly that he comes off as just another "the south shall rise again" madman, rather than a villain to be feared, respected, and loathed. He does the usual spooky bad guy stuff, order people around, threaten death to those who don't bend to his will, and wants to blow up stuff at the expense of innocent people, but in the hopes of accomplishing his wacky little goal of disbanding the union.
The character comes off as more cartoonish than anything, but Malkovich tries his best with what he's given. Surprisingly, this film is pretty non-violent, for a film about a facially disfigured bounty hunter who wants revenge on an evil madman. It's about as violent as any James Bond film, a few shootings here, some suggested deaths (off screen) there, but there's no real impact deaths here that make the viewer high-five the person next to them. And keeping things pretty tame on that front disappointed me.
I saw more violence in "Tomb Raider" nine years ago, sadly. As for the films ending, well, things end in the usual spectacular fashion. Some stuff blows up, Hex and Turnbull finally have their confrontation, which really fails to deliver, and Megan Fox as Lilah tries to look hot as she opens fire on some disposable henchmen on Turnbull's. But "Jonah Hex" is quite the mess. It's a thin movie with some decent actors, who have a script fail them like nobody's business. Had this film had a better writer, it could've been a silly, brainless, but fun ride. Instead, it's short, clunky, and strangely off-axis.
Positives:Megan Fox looked hot as always, Brolin and Malkovich as hero an villain did what they could with a severely flawed script. Also liked the scene where Hex shoots a guy through a window after a rude comment about his scarred face.
Negatives:The script is a mess, the film is too short, offers very little of anything spectacular or memorable, and seemed off-base with everything it tried.
Overall:One star out of four.
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