[My Bloody Valentine 3D]
Plot:Ten years ago, a tragedy changed the town of Harmony forever. Tom Hanniger, an inexperienced coal miner, caused an accident in the tunnels that trapped and killed five men and sent the only survivor, Harry Warden, into a permanent coma. But Harry Warden wanted revenge. Exactly one year later, on Valentine's Day, he woke up...and brutally murdered twenty-two people with a pickaxe before being killed.

Ten years later, Tom Hanniger returns to Harmony on Valentine's Day, still haunted by the deaths he caused. Struggling to make amends with his past, he grapples with unresolved feelings for his ex-girlfriend, Sarah, who is now married to his best friend, Axel, the town sheriff. But tonight, after years of peace, something from Harmony's dark past has returned. Wearing a miner's mask and armed with a pickaxe, an unstoppable killer is on the loose. And as his footsteps come ever closer, Tom, Sarah and Axel realize in terror that it just might be Harry Warden who's come back to claim them.

Cast:Jamie King, Jensen Ackles, Tom Atkins, Kevin Tighe, Megan Boone, Kerr Smith, Edi Gathegi, Betsey Rue.

My Thoughts:"My Bloody Valentine 3-Zzzzzzzzzz!"

Review:When there was talk of, and then the eventual doing so of remaking "My Bloody Valentine", the 80's slasher film. I thought it would be a pretty cool idea. Especially when I learned Lionsgate was behind it, and it would be in 3D. But after seeing the film, I realized that the movie was pretty much just a stopgap to bring 3D back into the limelight. As far as it being a slasher movie is concerned, it's really just a decent one at best. Nothing more, nothing less. The film follows Tom Hanniger and his friends who go into the mine of their tiny little town for a party.

After Harry Warden is involved in a tragic accident, caused by Hanniger (Ackles), he awakes from a deep slumber, dawns his miner outfit, and goes into the mine seeking revenge. He runs into Tom and his friends and chops them up something fierce with his pick axe, all in an attempt to get at Tom who he blames for nearly getting him killed. Warden is shot dead though before he can finish Tom off, and rumor around the town of Harmony is that Warden died when the mine caved in soon after the local sheriff (Atkins) popped a cap in his ass.

Now it's 10 years later, and the town of Harmony has tried to forget the tragic events of it's past. But when someone dawning a miner outfit and wielding a huge ass pick-axe starts slaughtering people in town, the citizens of Harmony begin to wonder...is Harry Warden really dead? Or did he survive the cave in? Or is he the walking dead? Or a more rational explanation, is someone else "pick-axeing" up where Warden left off? I was really hoping to be in for a fun time with this movie, and my cinema was one of the 900 in the U.S. that had the 3D technology so lucky me.

But this film just makes too many mistakes for it's own good. For one thing, there's very little clarity on the character of Harry Warden. This is a must for any slasher film. Dates, times, and events....it's slasher movie basics. You have to have a specific death, time of death, and date of death for your killer if it's a revenge tale where someone died years ago, and is suspected of returning years later for revenge. But this movie screws that up from the very beginning. Harry Warden has Tom in his sights, and is ready to do him in...before he's shot.

Okay, but....after that Warden stumbles into the mines deep caverns and is never seen again. Then we fast-forward 10 years later, and there's some story about him having died in a cave in? I mean what the fuck? They could've atleast showed the cave in or done more than just claim there was one. Then to top it all off, as the movie moves along, people begin to rethink Warden being dead because after all, they never actually "found" a body...even though people "say" he's dead. Talk about flimsy writing. So once Ackles character Tom rolls back into town after 10 years, this kicks off a complicated love triangle because Kerr Smith's character Axel is now the sheriff of the town, and he married Tom's girl Sarah (King) after Tom bailed ten years earlier after the killings. So the writers kind of bounce around the idea that Tom or Axel are the killers for the duration of the film and they use the complicated love triangle to boost that a bit.

And what kills the movie is that I didn't want either of them to be the killer. These two characters for male leads were pretty sad. Smith is a great actor, but his character is written very poorly. And Ackles? Forget about it. He's like the new Billy Loomis, creepy to the core and always seems to be "around" after the unhappy miner guy pulls a disappearing act. Which by the by, should be alot harder than this film makes it out to be because for god sake, the fucker is breathing harder than a chain-smoking meth head, and he's carrying a huge pick-axe.

Neither of these guys were that great for male leads in the film. Jamie King's character meanwhile spends alot of her time getting pulled back and forth by Tom and Axel, and not really knowing what the hell is going on until the miner targets her later on in the film. Ackles and King aren't very charasmatic, and coupled with Smith who's a good actor from a basic standpoint, but lacks charisma himself...this makes for a pretty boring trio. Enter Tom Atkins and Edi Gathegi to spice and liven the film up a bit. Who'd have thought that a black guy, who usually dies in act one, and an old white guy...would be the liveliest part of a slasher movie?

Stuff like that only seems to happen with it's Murtagh and Riggs in "Lethal Weapon 4". The 3D is also underused in this movie. For a 3D film to spook the audience one time with a scene which is already in the trailer, is very sad. The kills themselves are pretty basic and what you'd expect. They're bloody, but nothing unique. The axe is used to impale, smash, slice, slash, rip off jaws, cut people, rip them open, not in that same order. But you get the drift. Looking for a spotlight or standout scene from this movie?

Might wanna check out the hotel scene early in the film where the town tramp, a married guy, and a midget all get a visit from the killer miner. And it ain't pretty. But don't look too deep into this movie for common sense or intelligence. The characters are idiots, and most of them die because they make foolish decisions when faced with death, including one woman who decides to hide under the bed from the killer. NO I AM NOT KIDDING, THE FRIGGIN BED! And another girl who takes too long to escape through an open window, enabling the miner to make miner-mince-meat out of her.

And don't even get me started on the finale, which has one of the worst twists ever, gives a very unrealistic lesson on how one can survive a mine explosion without even trying, and makes Jamie King's character a poster child for dumbest slasher movie female EVER!! "My Bloody Valentine 3D" will bore some, annoy others, and disappoint many. But either way, chances are you won't be pleased.

Positives:One scene where a good-looking female is scantily clad, a few of the death scenes, an unexpected survivor at the end, Atkins and Gathegi's characters. The miners outfit, walk, and breathing are awesome. The hotel scene.

Negatives:Not very creative with most of the kills, too fuzzy on the Harry Warden backstory, Smith, Ackles, and King's characters are pretty boring to watch, terrible ending with a group of equally terrible twists. Not enough usage of the 3D.

Overall:One and a half out of four stars.





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