[One Missed Call 2008]
Plot:What will it sound like when you die? In “One Missed Call,” a chain of people receive terrifying cell phone messages of their own final fatal moments. Though the messages can be deleted, their number is up. Beth Raymond (Shannyn Sossamon) is traumatized when she witnesses the gruesome deaths of two friends just days apart. Even more disturbing, she knows that both of them had received chilling cell phone messages—actual recordings of their own horrifying last moments. Impossibly, the calls were received days before they died, but each death occurred precisely when and how the messages foretold. The police think Beth is delusional—except for Detective Jack Andrews (Edward Burns) whose own sister was killed in a freak accident that bears a strange similarity to the deaths of Beth’s friends. Together, Jack and Beth work feverishly to unravel the mystery behind the ominous calls. But even as they get closer to the truth, Beth’s cell phone begins to ring with an eerie tune, and the readout says One Missed Call.

Cast: Shannyn Sossamon, Ed Burns, Gabriel Byrne, Ed Harris, Azura Skye, Ray Wise, Margaret Cho.

My Thoughts:The worst Japanese horror remake by far.

Review:If there were ever a candidate for the "stop remaking asian horror" club, it would be "One Missed Call". I really try and give these movies a chance, but it seems with every new one the ball is just dropped big time, more and more. "The Grudge" was awful, but 2 was an improvement, "The Ring" was terrific, but two was a step or two down, and "Pulse" despite it's dark tone just didn't quite measure up. Now comes "One Missed Call", a remake of the Takashi Miike film where a dead girls spirit travels through peoples cellphones leaving ominous voicemails of their demise with a three-day-later timetable set for the persons aforementioned death.

The victims are chosen through a certain persons cellphone memory, and each person who dies is found with a red candy ball stuck in their mouth. Sounds creepy enough right? Well...the original was. The remake however, plays out more so like a disney cartoon, I kid you not. This film pretty much forgets all the rules that made Takashi Miike's original so inspiring and downright creepy. It doesn't pace scenes very well, but instead quickly rushes ahead to dispose of it's characters.

Even in the films opening scene, where the best looking woman in the film gets offed amongst the setting of a beautiful Japanese-inspired patio...there's not much set up for the scene, but instead she's quickly disposed of. Then there are the next few victims who get taken out very speedily as well. One guy even dies as sort of an homage to something out of "Final Destination". However, if you're good with calculations such as I am, viewing this scene you'd automatically know there is no way he could've died the way he did, from a realistic point of view.

It seems this movie was more of an homage to the original, and in itself...a silly spoof. There's absolutely no blood here, whereas the original had acceptable levels of blood. We're talking about a film here (the remake) where people are impaled by pipes, hit by speeding trains, and stabbed through doors. Yet there's no blood?? Come on now! Unless these people are either androids or ghosts, there should've been blood splattered all over the place. Shannyn Sossamon will give the guys something to enjoy looking at on screen for most of the movie, especially considering alot of the other women in the pic are disposed of early.

In fact this is the first movie that I can think of where come late act two...all the females except the lead character are dead. Shannyn herself does a decent job with her character, even though she doesn't seem too enthused to be in this movie and her character is very poorly developed, as are all of the characters in the movie. Sossomon's character has a dark and screwed up past...and add that to a grumpy asian cop played by Margaret Cho, and the producer of a paranormal reality show played by Ray Wise, you'd think this movie would be very rich in story and backstory.

Well...no. None of these characters are developed and the backstories are practically non-existent. This is what happens when Hollywood trades in character and script development for a cheap 90 minute teen-thrill-ride that's sure to make them a quick 30 million in ticket sales and about 25 million on dvd. If there's any silver lining to this film it's the final 25 minutes which are set in a creepy fire-ridden/abandoned hospital, and the films finale where the ghost tries to pick off it's final victim.

Other than that, stick a fork in it...it's done. If you've ever wondered if Hollywood cared anymore or not, well wonder no more. "One Missed Call" has set the tone for the "new" asian horror remake. "The Ring" set the ball in motion, and everything after it has added more and more embarassment to that ball. But "One Missed Call" has put the proverbial icing on the "cake of shame".

Positives:Late act three is about as good as this film gets. Shannyn Sossamon is good looking as always.

Negatives:Poorly developed characters, poor story, taking out the hot women too early is a huge no-no, and the deaths are bloodless, bland, and uncreative.

Overall:If you're 11...this movie is for you!





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