[Revamped]
Plot:Successful businessman Richard Clarke is bitten by a beautiful vampire and is plunged into the dark world of the supernatural. Richard very quickly realizes that being undead isn't all that it's cracked up to be and must fight for survival, when a militaristic team of Vampire Hunters, the S.T.A.K.E. Team, discover his existence. Barely surviving, Richard's presence is brought to the attention of The BLEEDERS, a savage underground gang of Vampires bent on survival at all costs. All Hell breaks loose as it turns into a war for survival and no one is taking any prisoners. Let the bloodbath begin!

Cast:Jeff Rector, Christa Campbell, Martin Kove, Billy Drago, Fred Williamson, Tane McClure, Carel Struycken, Alana Curry, Mickey Jones, Victor Lundin, Anne Lockhart, Deron McBee, Sam J. Jones, Vernon Wells, Jason Carter.

My Thoughts:"Revamped"? How about return...it...to the video store...quickly!

Review:At some point, one starts to wish that direct-to-dvd vampire movies would just go away. With vampirish tragedies such as "The Thirst" having come and gone, now comes "Revamped"...a film where a rich guy plans to get even with his cheating wife by becoming a bloodsucker and killing her and her new boyfriend. However his method of doing so comes in the form of a late night infomercial which promotes a company that offers humans a chance to become vampires as a way of spicing up their lives. Because every person who gets bogged down by the boredom and monotony of life decides to transform themselves into one of the undead...*rolls eyes*. Anyhow, the typical classic hot vampire babe visits Richard and turns him.

However, once he dies, a lack of funds ends up getting him cremated instead of buried, making his triumphant return a bit more difficult than at first thought. Although it does happen eventually when some satanists show up to kill two funeral home attendants, an act which accidentally causes Richard's urn to spill over, releasing his essence. However, after he's up and walking around, it's been five years since he was bitten, and within that time...a war has broken out between vampires (bleeders), and a task force created to destroy them (S.T.A.K.E).

Now Richard has to choose a side, and at the same time...track down the vampire who bit him. This film pretty much falls into the same trap all direct-to-dvd vampire movies fall into. Bad production values, cheap look, poor acting, horrible writing, it just doesn't connect with the viewer in any way. I think in order to enjoy a film like "Revamped"...you have to be a fan of extremely cheesy vampire films from the 70's and 80's. If you're more a fan of or have been more exposed to new-age vampire pics, then you'll hate this one just as much as I did.

The movie has some cool cameos though, by Reggie Bannister, and the guy who starred in "Jack Frost"...plus Christa Campbell didn't hurt the film by being in it, but movie wise, it just doesn't work. The films plot itself is a cliche and poor mix of so many other vampire movies. The vampires form a group, a task force is dispatched to destrpy them, and on and on. We've seen this in so many other horror films, zombie, werewolf, or otherwise. And while they may have worked in a few of those films, in this movie, it fails on all levels.

Of course the vampires look like a cross between hells angels bikers and goth occultists, and the S.T.A.K.E. members look like roided up "American Gladiator" rejects, which doesn't help the movie one bit. "Revamped" also doesn't offer up much in the overall entertainment department either. The film has action, but the cheap production values really hurt most of the action scenes, which make them a headache to watch. The acting is also not that great, and too much of the film is just uncreative and poorly written.

The idea that vampires would put on infomercials, and that in the world this movie is set in, "mortuary" commercials would dominate the airwaves is laughable at best. The ending of the film suggests a sequel, and was yet another instance in this movie in which I rolled my eyes in annoyance. "Revamped" is a terrible vampire movie, along with being a terrible horror movie. If you're a goth, you might enjoy this picture for obvious reasons, but if you're the casual or mainstream horror film fan who's looking for a good horror picture to watch, then this one ain't it.

Positives:When it ended, and Christa Campbell.

Negatives:Bad acting, bad script, poor production values, and an overall poorly put together picture.

Overall:Worthless.





( Talk about it in the Forums!)



( Back to the main page)