[The Telling]
Plot:In this horror anthology film, three girls pledge the most popular - and cruelest - sorority on campus. For their final task, they must tell the scariest story they know. Containing three distinct stories - one featuring a murderous doll, one a has-been actress and her run in with a film crew of the undead and, finally, a hunt-and-kill fright-fest. The tales inspire someone at the sorority to commit their own murders.

Cast:Bridget Marquardt, Holly Madison, Jean Louise O'Sullivan, John D'Aquino, Rebekah Kochan, Nicole Zeoli, Lola Labelle, Stephanie Sanborn, Jessica Noboa, Ryan Freeman, Kimshelley Garner, Veronique Vicari, Jessica Lowe, Amanda Ward, Najarra Townsend.

My Thoughts:Once you get past the first story, yeesh!

Review:So who thought we'd ever see the day when those crazy gals from "The Girls Next Door" (yes, Hef's show), would make their own horror movie? Crazy isn't it? I sure as hell never thought that it would happen. But it did, and well....it sucked. Well, for the most part. The film follows what else? A girl, trying to pledge a sorority, led by the playboy bunnies themselves.

Of course the girl gets the typical cold shoulder, and so she goes off and commits suicide by downing some pills. Now, a year later. The girls have changed their pledge rules due to what they call the "unfortunate" incident of the year before. Now, they invite three pledge girls in to tell them scary stories, and if the stories are scary enough, they'll get in.

Or so they think. At any rate, this is where the trio of short anthologies come in, and the first one is pretty cool. It's about a moronic guy who lives with his girlfriend, and when his ex arrives back in town, because she's jobless...he allows her to stay with him and his current gf until she can get on her feet. But things get really hairy when he buys a creepy-looking doll for his current girlfriend, just to show her that he prefers her over his ex, and to put her mind at ease with the current liivng situation.

But the doll develops a "killer" crush on the guy, and pretty soon, actually becomes competition for his affections, rivaling the other two human women. Yeah...stupid ain't it? But I have to admit, the first story is pretty damn entertaining. And not too poorly acted. The deaths are funny, the dollas comments, insults, and threats are hilarious, and the end result is pretty entertaining also. But once that first story concludes, this plane takes a major nosedive right into the ocean.

And it sinks like a friggin rock! Story two involves an idiot girl who shows up in eastern Europe looking for a film role, only to find out the casting has a bit too much "bite" for her, and the third and final story involves some idiot girls who overhear a murder while making prank calls and soon become the targets of the killer. The third story has the biggest plotholes of them all, and it just tosses logic overboard big time.

I can't even begin to tell you how annoying it was to watch, and follow as a viewer. Good grief. The second story is just boring as hell, and the bad european accents, which I couldn't tell if they were supposed to be Romanian, Albanian, or both. Either way, they sucked. And the Dracula wannabe was just a bad idea because it totally telegraphs how the story will eventually conclude. I have to say though, the acting was good in story one, and decent in story three.

But then again, most of the women in the film played total bitches. So perhaps that was the easy part? I can't remember or recall one actual good-hearted girl in this film besides the dumb blonde in the second story, and she was so IQ-lacking that it really didn't matter how nice she was eventually.

The writing is pretty poor also, considering each story features pretty much similar characters. And also the underlying message of mean girls eventually get theirs in the end, has been a staple of the slasher movie genre since forever. So the fact that this movie beats this message like a dead horse, and then concludes on a similar note with a pretty fucked up and funny twist ending, is tantamount to a moot point.

And pretty much reeks of..."move along nothing to see here". The women in the movie are hot though, so if you're one of those guys who counts that as a big enough plus to overshadow like five-hundred minuses...then you'll probably enjoy this movie more than I did. Me? Beyond story one, I see "The Telling" as a pretty below-average flick. Even by the standards of a slasher film with buxom beauties and a brainless script.

Positives:The first story is good.

Negatives:Stories Two and Three suck royally, and the acting beyond story one is awful as well.

Overall:One out of four stars.





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