[Twilight Movie Review - By Jigs4wpuppet]
Plot:Based on the Stephenie Meyer novel, concerns a girl who comes to a small town to live with her father, and is inexplicably drawn to a pale mysterious classmate who comes from a family of vampires.

Starring:Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Justin Chon, Kellan Lutz, Cam Gigandet, Peter Facinelli, Elizabeth Reaser, Jackson Rathbone, Ashley Greene, Nikki Reed, Michael Welch, Anna Kendrick, Billy Burke, Taylor Lautner, Christian Serratos, Edi Gathegl, Rachel Lefevre, Sarah Clark, and Gregory Tyree Boyce.

Director:Catherine Hardwicke

Writer:Melissa Rosenberg

Review:So going into this "alleged" vampire movie - I was not happy, or excited at all. I like vampire movies to be hardcore, balls to the wall, take no prisoners. Just like I like all of my horror films to be. "Twilight" struck me as a sugary-sweet take on the vampire mythology. And that's the last thing the vampire mythology or genre needs. So this girl named Bella who is going through one of those rough parent deals where her mom remarries and she decides..."fuck that, I'm moving to Washington with daddy". I mean if I had a choice between Arizona and Washington, I'd probably choose Washington too. But she moves to a tiny town in Washington. One of those towns no one really knows even exists. In fact it's called Forks Washington. I've never been to Wa. so I don't know if it really exists or not so can't say. Anyhow, she thinks her school days there will be the same as in Arizona. Popular kids, politics, and all that bullcrap.

But then she meets this really, REALLY.....pale kid named Edward Cullen. Edwards a vampire, but Bella doesn't know this. But she is in no danger seemingly because Edward and his family have made a choice not to drink human blood. So things are all cute, cuddly, and charming for Edward and Bella in the beginning....and he even gives her a glimpse of his abilities such as running really fast, incredible leaping abilities, etc. But then some other vampires blow into town and they're really pissed that Edward is making nice-nice with a human. So of course the movie then becomes..."Blood and Chocolate".....just with vampires.

It's not as poorly written as "Blood and Chocolate", don't get me wrong. But it's just as cheesy, lame, and poorly acted. The vampires are wusses who try and look, act, and talk tough but in reality they look so...storybook-ish that it's hard to fear them even a sliver. One of them even has a ponytail, nough said there. So like I was saying, all the themes covered in "Blood and Chocolate" are covered here. The wolves didn't like Vivian dating a human in that film, the vampires don't like Edward dating a human in this movie. The wolves try and kill the human boy in "Blood and Chocolate"....some of the vampires in "Twilight" try countless times to kill Bella.

James is the ringleader of this whole conspiracy to kill and drink from Bella, because her blood is oh so sweet to him and he's infatuated with her and all. But he only views her as a meal, and this pisses Edward off so it eventually comes to Edward having to fight to defend Bella's honor and life. None of the usual vampire rules are followed in this movie and that pisses me off. No cool explosions from sunlight ala "The Forsaken", no fangs ala "30 Days Of Night", no nothing pretty much. There are a few decent action sequences which slightly amaze, but seriously when did vampires become no-balls-having little bitches? They're supposed to be bloodthirsty beasts, not super-agile pretty boys. Dracula must be rolling in his grave right now. As for me, I wanted to roll into a full-fledged refund after sitting through this nearly 2-hour snoozer!





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